Hope you're getting excited for the most epic playoff run in the history of playoff runs. That's cause it involves ME. Cause nobody would be interested in seeing you or anyone else's ugly mug on TV. The Sharks and I are gonna run train all over the Western Conference. I mean have you seen our team lately? Claude Lemieux. Rob Blake. Myself. Joe Thornton. It's a freaking 1990s All-Star Team. And the 90s were an amazing decade and you know that. It was the decade of JR. And now JR is going to tackle a new decade with a Cup this year and then move on to conquering the next decade. I'm never going away baby. I'm Mick Jagger minus the ugly and decrepit.
I hope you enjoy watching JR during this playoff run. No wait. Playoff BEATDOWN. Cause we won the Presidents' Trophy. That means Barack Mothatruckin Obama believes in us! But this ain't no "Yes we can" bull. The motto around here is "We already did." That's cause I'm writing this from the future and have already won the 2009 Stanley Cup. You can forget about watching all the other teams, losers. Cause there's only one going all the way. But you already knew that. I know you're at least smart enough to realize the levels of my awesomeness even if you don't know how to order pizza to your basement dwelling. Oh sorry, you probably don't know what a "dwelling" is. That's the trash help where you live numbnuts.
What would you ever do without JR? Oh, I know. Sit around wishin you had someone as awesome as me to look up to.