logo

For this Guys on Ice Chat, I'd like to thank

Cornelius Hardenbergh  for sending me the news story that inspired it, and Dave for suggesting the eventual storyline. And I know there are other people in this story, but I left them out only because they have totally unpunnable names.

***Welcome to the Muskoka wilderness chat room!***

 

Kris_P_King: Ahhh...It feels so good to be back in the wilderness, away from civilisation and it's craziness. Right guys?

Montador_Ole: This sucks already.

PetersPetersPumkinEater: But we get to do manly things, cuz we're men! Like...I dunno, chop down trees and shoot small animals! YEAH! Like MEN!

PoniRides4ABuck:But we have no guns, AndrewPeters. Just surviving book.

May_Pole_Syrup: Well, we should be fine after that course we had. Maybe.

PoniRides4ABuck: I agree, BradMay.

Montador_Ole: Why do you keep doing that?

PoniRides4ABuck: Do what, SteveMontador?

PetersPetersPumkinEater: Why do you keep referring to people by thier full names?

PoniRides4ABuck: Is habit from Ukraine. You don't know how many Alexeis there are. You say "Hey, Alexei" anywhere and like 12 guys turn around.

Montador_Ole: Oh well, let's set up camp and get this over with.

***Several hours later...***

Kris_P_King:That's a good fire goin' there, Alexei.

PoniRides4ABuck: Thanks!

PetersPetersPumkinEater: Hey guys! I found some wild mushrooms we can eat!

PoniRides4ABuck:Are you beings sure those are safe?

PetersPetersPumkinEater: Yes, they're safe. I checked 'em in the big book of edible crap and they're cool.

***PetersPetersPumkinEater, Montador_Ole, and May_Pole_Syrup all have mushrooms!***

Montador_Ole:I dunno....these taste ok. Kinda...woody, but ok.

PetersPetersPumkinEater: I feel funny.

May_Pole_Syrup: You have four eyes.

Kris_P_King:I knew this was a bad idea.

Montador_Ole: Guys, I'm not high yet, what the hell? Why aren't I high yet? Guys?

Montador_Ole: Oh waiiiiiit...

Montador_Ole: /foams at mouth

Montador_Ole: /goes catonic

PetersPetersPumkinEater:Oh God...ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod!

PoniRides4ABuck:What is wrongs AndrewPeters?

May_Pole_Syrup: Are you freaking out, man?

Kris_P_King: Andrew, just breathe and listen to me, ok? You are a living organism on this planet--

PetersPetersPumkinEater: MY BRAIN IS MELTING!

Kris_P_King: No, it's not. You are a living being and your are totally fine. You are just really, really high right now. Now, if I had it, I'd play some Pink Floyd and let you come down.

PoniRides4ABuck: Nah, he's already freaking out. Pink Floyd will make him worse. Try something happy, like Bob Marley.

May_Pole_Syrup:..Except reggae sucks balls.

Kris_P_King: I can make something up like Bob Marley...Let me see...

Kris_P_King: Uh, yeah mon, No woman, no cry, cuz every little thing's gonna be alright! Yeah mon....something about Jamacia...

PetersPetersPumkinEater: Ahh...it's better...AH! COBRAS!

PoniRides4ABuck: Where?!

May_Pole_Syrup: Forget this, I'm gonna go take a leak.

Kris_P_King: OK, just watch out for logs and stuff. Don't want you to twist an ankle or anything.

PetersPetersPumkinEater: CANDY BARS!

May_Pole_Syrup: What the...is that a...oh hi little baby bear! Oh you're so cuddly, I love you! Who's this coming, is it another little friend? Oh, it looks like, is it your mommy? Oh don't mind me, I'm just saying hello to your adorable ba--AHHHHH! AHHH! GAHHH! I'M BEING MAULED BY A BEAR!

PoniRides4ABuck:Should we help him?

Kris_P_King: No, I think he's just having a bad trip

May_Pole_Syrup: IT'S EATING MY FACE!

PetersPetersPumkinEater: You guys ever just look at fire? I mean, really look at fire? It's almost as cool as looking at your hands.