Keith Ballard's Hit List
Written by Schultz   
Thursday, 03 December 2009 12:55

Last night, Florida's Keith Ballard lit up his second goalie in as many games. After he attempted to decapitate his own goalie, Tomas Vokoun, last week he slammed into Colorado's Craig Anderson during the end of last night's game in Florida. While searching through the dumpsters in the back of the BankAtlantic Center in Sunrise -- like I do every Wednesday night -- I found a yellow crumpled up piece of paper. On the top, in really shaky handwriting, it read "My hit list. By Keith Ballard." Today, I present the list to you unedited in its original form so we can better understand the mind of goalie crippler Keith Ballard.

----

My Hit List

by Keith Ballard

 

Tomas Vokoun - cause he always call me "buddy". Grrrr! I'm not your buddy, guy!

Craig Anderson - Because it makes me feel alive.

Jose Theodore - I need the scalp of a Capitals goalie. It's for a scavenger hunt I'm doing with the team!

Rick DiPietro - He's the only goaltender that can get hurt and nobody would blame me.

Miikka Kiprusoff - Why do you have a name that nobody can spell? WHY DO YOU TORTURE US SO???

Jacques Plante - It would be so much easier to hurt goalies if it wasn't for him.

Felix Potvin - Who names their kid Felix? I mean, really, who does that?

Ilya Bryzgalov - WTF random letters?!?

Cristobal Huet - WTF is FTW spelled backwards. Weird.

Garth Snow - I hate to see a stupid goalie in a position of power. Long Island must be full of liberal hippies who allow this kind of insanity.

Chris Osgood - For being smug.

Patrick Roy - The meanest goalie of them all!



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Comments (2)Add Comment
...
written by sleza, December 03, 2009
NOOOOOO! there needs to be "Save Jose and Ilya" movement. And Kipper if he promise to never ever say mean things like "i'm not gonna play in olympics if.."
They can be replaced by Lundqvist...
Heh.
written by Got Stanley? , December 03, 2009
Except that the Caps are starting Varly tonight, probably because they're sure that Varly isn't one of Keith ballard's former teammates.

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