***Welcome to the official Chatroom of the NHL!***
Staalboy_11: You gotta do something big, I mean, he trashed your car. Dude, that was so not cool.
Sidney_Not_Kidney: Right, but what do I do to get him back?
McFleury_Avec_sprinkles: You should send a whole bunch of pizzas to him that he didn’t order!
Staalboy_11: You should go to a sex shop and get one of those rubber fists!
Sidney_Not_Kidney: That’s disgusting. What would I do with a rubber fist?
Staalboy_11: The possibilities are endless! You could, like...uhh…hit him in the face with it? THAT would be funny!
Sidney_Not_Kidney: How would I get close enough to hit him with a fist? How would I sneak a fist onto the ice?
McFleury_Avec_sprinkles: You could trow water balloons at his house!
To_tha_Max_69: Water balloons filled with piss?
McFleury_Avec_sprinkles: Max, iz not the good time.
To_tha_Max_69: Oh come on Fleury, I wouldn’t do that—
Staalboy_11: Filled with piss? Damn, why didn’t I think of that?
Sidney_Not_Kidney: Max, I don’t want to do anything illegal.
To_tha_Max_69: Of course not. We wouldn’t want Mr. Reebok superstar stuck in jail or nothing.
McFleury_Avec_sprinkles: So what to do?
Staalboy_11: Water balloons filled with piss—DAMN! So simple yet so beautiful…
Sidney_Not_Kidney: Nobody is filling any water balloons with piss!
To_tha_Max_69: I got it! Call up the Captials players and say that you’re some girl that they got pregnant!
McFleury_Avec_sprinkles: Oh, that is mean!
Staalboy_11: Well….I GUESS at least that way we can do that without a lot of prepwork.
Sidney_Not_Kidney: For once, you’re right Jordan. Then we can focus all our energy on practice.
To_tha_Max_69: Whatever. OK, first let’s make up a girl’s name.
Staalboy_11: Yanno, SIDNEY is a good girl’s name—
Sidney_Not_Kidney: Well so is Jordan!
To_tha_Max_69: ok ok, guys I got the number, here goes
*** To_tha_Max_69 hands phone to Sidney_Not_Kidney***
Totally not Sidney_Not_Kidney: oh hi (clears throat, talks in bad falsetto) Hi, is this Alex? The super HAWT Russian I hooked up with like a month ago?
McFleury_Avec_sprinkles: “super Hawt”?
Staalboy_11: I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.
MOAR_OVTIME_PLZ:…uhh…I might be. Who is this?
Totally not Sidney_Not_Kidney: My name’s, uhh Angela. And uhhh…gah, I can’t do this. (hangs up)
Sidney_Not_Kidney: I can’t do it guys. I’m just gonna grab this bag of beers, go over and wish them all the best.
*** Sidney_Not_Kidney has left the chat room***
***Meanwhile, in the Pens chatroom***
Staalboy_11: Max…does your beer taste funny?
Staalboy_11: I think Sid took my bag of beer by mistake. I had pre…prepared them and some...other stuff for later.
*** Sidney_Not_Kidney has arrived at ALEX OVECHKIN’s place***
MOAR_OVTIME_PLZ: Sidney? What you do here?
Sidney_Not_Kidney: Alex, I just wanted to come by and wish you and the teams all the best. I brought some beer if you wanted—do I smell pizza?
MOAR_OVTIME_PLZ: Yeah, some guy came here and said I ordered like 25 pizzas. I didn’t even order them, but I didn’t want them to go to waste, you know, starving kids in Africa and stuff. So me and some other guys are having a Friends marathon. Greeny just bought the series on DVD.
Sidney_Not_Kidney: I LOVE Friends! Mind if I join?
MOAR_OVTIME_PLZ: Why do you have a rubber fist sticking out of that bag?
It’s a battle that will surely have Gary Bettman wetting himself with glee. My magic playoff quarter tells me Capitals in 7