JR TIME, KIDDIES

Written by Loser Domi

Sunday, 21 March 2010 19:11

Hola, kiddos. It's your main man Jeremy Roenick here. LD's been kinda busy recently, what with all the sleeping and the Leafs figuring out it's ok to win every now and then once it doesn't mater. Whata bunch of Whopper jrs.

I've been a busy man on my own terms. My video blog over at the Kings site is going well. It's harder than you think doing videos for a team you sucked with. So many people are all "but JR, you sucked with the Kings. Why are you even talking about it?" I said right in the first 30 seconds of the first vid that it was a way to make up for my suckage. Jeez people, take notes once in a while!

I'm sure all you little losers with your computers and your tubes want to know about what it's like to be a real announcer on real TV. It's a lot of work, but nothing I can't handle. It's kind of annoying to always have to wear suits because it makes such a distance between me, the players, and the fans. If I had a choice, we'd all be dressed real comfortably. Or, we'd have everyone naked. ESPECIALLY the Ice Girls. Yep, I'd call it the Naked Hockey League, except we'd alow cups (of course.) I think it was the great Bobby Orr who said, when asked why he wore a cup and no helmet, "I can always pay someone to think for me." How can you argue with Bobby Orr? That's a class act all the way.

Alright, here are some more secrets of hockey broadcasting: the set looks huge, but it's really about the size of a small rowboat, if that. And then they got the big lights and the makeup and crap, so it gets hot in there (which is why naked would be awesome, except you little peabrinas couldn't handle my naked awesomeness.) And bewteen you and me, Mike Milbury is an idiot. Ok, fine, maybe that's not such a secret. But he does smell like ham, and not the good kind of ham, either. You know that kind of ham in graded school that looked and tasted like it was made out of old gym mats? THAT's the kind of ham Milbury smells like. Yessir, if Milbury made a colone, it'd be eau do ham and regret.

Working in TV has a lot of waiting around. It's a whole lot of waiting, watching, waiting while someone else gets facts for you, and then it's GO GO GO. Then, it's the smae cycle until the next intermission. During these times, my mind wanders and I wonder about things. For instance, I wonder sometimes what would happen if someone beat Mike Milbury with his own shoe. I wonder if he would freakout, since he's on the other end of the match, or if he'd go into some sort of automatic shoe-ninja mode. Or maybe Mike's mellowed out in his old age, and he'd just flail aimlessly in self-defense. Either way, I'd sure like to see that.

Well, kiddos, that's about wraps it up for this edition of JR time. Tell your ma thanks for the meatloaf and the extra coffee yesterday morning after we...uh...we were just wrestling. Yeah. For fun. And those sounds you heard were ghosts.