You can always count on those websites who plagiarize to be on top of breaking stories such as this one. A story declaring the Canes the NHL's worst team starts off like so:

It's official. The Carolina Hurricanes are definitely the worst team in the NHL right now.

With a mere seven points and eleven straight losses...

No, thank you, Bleacher Report. We were unaware that having the fewest points in the league constituted being "the worst."

/Don't mean to pile on you, Dave.

As you may or may not know, Kevin and I had a bet going about whether the Leafs or the Islanders would be the first team to win a game.

I lost the bet, and I now have to wear the following shirt somewhere in public:

Yeah.

First of all, I'd like to dedicate this Guys on Ice to frequent reader Sleza, for agreeing with me on the look-alikes and for introducing me to this group. Also, I promise this is the last time I do a Disney-inspired Guys on Ice for a really, really, long time.

My co-blogger Mr. Ryan Henning mentioned the other day that he tries to include all NHL teams here at BMR.  I, on the other hand, have made it no secret that I am a steadfast Hurricanes fan and could give-a-crap-less if the other teams get any love or not.

It's been fun in my short time as a BMR writer poking fun at the inferiority of Kevin, Ryan and Loser's favorite hockey clubs while Carolina has actually had a competitive (see: good) squad.  "Had" is italicized in a major way.  Because last year's team that was 4 wins from returning to the Stanley Cup Finals has somehow queefed away into the Carolina country skies.

They suck now.  They suck so bad right now, Sunday capped a nine-game losing streak in one month.  Granted they lost to two good teams in Philly and SJ this weekend - but even if the visiting teams all showed up piss-ass drunk to the game - Carolina would still find a way to blow it.  All is not lost and it's not quite time to "blow this shit up"  - but should this team become competitive they'll be playing catch-up the rest of the way.

But it's not just the Carolina Hurricanes that are teh suck and I'm beginning to think that maybe it's me.  Read more to find out who else:

The Bruins at the Red Wings qualifies as a marquee matchup in the NHL. Detroit and Boston. You couldn't ask for more different cities, either. At least in New York-Boston rivalries its a pair of cosmopolitan East Coast cities. Detroit is at the fringe of the Rust Belt and is noted for producing Kid Rock and Eminem. No matter how much we try, even though these two teams are excellent, I don't think we are going to develop a rivalry between the two cities, no matter how hard we try. You know, though, some people who drink too much sometimes get a little chippy. The goal of this drinking game is to start some fistfights. Let's get punchy!

DRINK

... until the pain stops if conversation about what a "Bruin" is veers into uncomfortable revelatons about an affinity for Bears

... if announcers get confused into thinking it's some year from the past. Say they mention Thornton or Kessel on the Bruins or Lidstrom or Draper on the Wings.

... while trying to think of anyone named Cam that isn't a hockey player or from Boston. Drink thrice if you can think of someone.

... for every octopus tentacle a comely Red Wings fan is seen teasing. If you know what I mean

Drinking Player of the Week: Pavel Datsyuk

- Pavel is still one of the young guns for the Red Wings despite having been in the league for 11 years.

- Hasn't been the same since they renamed his home town of Sverdlovsk to Yekaterinburg.

- Has won numerous awards, including the Selke, Lady Byng, Stanley Cup, Olympic bronze, handsomest man in Sverdlovsk (void after the name change), Golden Globe for Best Actor in a Documentary or Musical, Newberry Medal, Wing Eating Champion at a Buffalo Wild Wings in Cody, Wyoming, Chess Grand Master, World's Largest Zucchini and Spelling Bee Champion of Maricopa County.

Comment sections on the internet can be, well, interesting as I'm sure you already know. Sometimes, they get beyond interesting and are straight up creepy. Today, we'll take a look at some Brian Burke fan fiction that I found in the comments at the Globe and Mail after the Habs beat the Leafs 5-4 Saturday night. Everything is sic'ed and completely, totally written by commenter Montgomery C. Burns. Consider that your warning.

Still on the topic of Burke and Spirits, I bring you: A Hollowed (Sic) Evening at Brian Burke’s House

Brian Burke is at home handing out goodies, while his wife, Jennifer, takes their two young children trick-or-treating around the neighbourhood. Burke has a clipboard with a list of inventory, which includes two Leaf tickets to the kid who most impresses him.

He calls his wife to see what their sons got from the neighbours and makes comparative notes to what he has doled out to his neighbours’ kids.

“Jen, have you been to the Williams’s household yet”?

“Yes, Bri, we have.”

“What did the boys get”?

“They each got a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.”

“What the F***”! I gave each of their kids two Hershey bars. @%&* ‘em!!

Now, since it's Halloween weekend, I felt like I should do something special. But....all I could think of was Jonas "Monster" Gustavsson. But any excuse to post LOL-Leafs pic spam  (there's a few after the jump) is a good excuse to me.