Matt Cooke is the worst. He is a violent talentless distraction. Nobody in Minnesota wanted to add him to the team and have generally panned the signing. It will create an environement in Minnesota in which the fans will actively root against a player on their own team. (Speaking of favorite teams, check out this seasons NFL odds, and for all sports, get in on the Top Sports Betting Action) Not just boo because they fail to come through in the clutch, but actively root against a player, even if it sinks the team's chances.
What I'm saying is, Minnesotans don't like Matt Cooke. But please, Chuck Fletcher, tell me more about your stupid roster building adventures.
"After trading Clutterbuck to the Islanders, Fletcher knew he was going to have to find someone who could help in the hits department and on the penalty kill. On July 5, the Wild signed left wing Matt Cooke to a three-year, $7.5 million contract. Cooke, 34, had 21 points (eight goals, 13 assists) in 48 games for the Pittsburgh Penguins last season and finished fifth on the club with 97 hits."
THREE YEARS. WE HAVE TO PUT UP WITH HIM FOR THREE DAMN YEARS. You know, there was a lot of talk about using the team's compliance buy out on Dany Heatley (it was eventually used on Tom Gilbert) but canthe Wild use it on Cooke? He is 34 and has three years left on his deal, and is mostly known for his body work. He's just asking for an injury!
Sorry, Chuck Fletcher, but we can't let you get away with this one. Trading away a fan favorite for the most hated player in the league (according to your team's fans, anyway) seems like bad business. And your own description of Cooke makes it seem like a bad hockey move too.no comments
Kevin Schultz started this site back in 1977 and handed it off to me a couple of years ago. Long time readers will readily point out that he and I have very different styles. Most notably, I don't tend to write in long form, and prefer to work with stupid one off jokes. That's all well and good, it's served me well, but since I don't post every day, and when I do, it's just a little nugget. I don't necessarily think this is fair to you, my beloved readers.
I don't want to change how I write, because that would be frustrating and probably even worse than it is now, but I do want to ensure that there is content for you every day during the hockey season. The fact that I didn't post at all during the Stanley Cup finals was fairly embarrassing. That's why, starting at the beginning of the regular season, I am going to start a simple daily feature. I know that it will contain a daily scoreboard, but I am not sure what else it will contain.
So, the other posts will continue at the same pace as they always have (intermittently), but on October 2nd, after opening night, please stay tuned for "Puck Dumps" our new daily feature here at Barry Melrose Rocks. If you have any ideas for what else this will contain, I encourage you to e-mail me at thevictimes[at]gmail.com, or e-mail Schultz at Islanders Point Blank and beg him to come back.no comments
The NHL season is right around the corner (in like 2 months) and there isn't a lot that anyone can do about their team. This is what you get. So when someone issues a roster projection for your team, that should give you an idea of how your team will be. It's not going to change. Without comment, here is what HockeyBuzz.com projects as the Calgary Flames roster this year.
Curtis Glencross - Mikael Backlund - Mike Cammalleri
Sven Baertschi - Sean Monahan - Jiri Hudler
TJ Galiardi - Matt Stajan - Lee Stempniak
Tim Jackman - Roman Horak - David Jones
Blair Jones - Brian McGrattan
Mark Giordano - Dennis Wideman
TJ Brodie - Kris Russell
Chris Butler - Shane O'Brien
Oh God. I'm so sorry Calgary. Now that you aren't in the same division as the Wild, I can and do feel sympathy for you. Anyone to beat the Canucks is a good team in my book. My condolences.no comments
There has been quite a bit of coverage lately about how Wayne Gretzky once baby-sat Robin Thicke while house sitting for Alan Thicke. It's all very Canadian. What ISN'T Canadian, however, is the Great One's hat.
And this has been "Wayne Gretzky wears a Panama hat while standing near a plane with Alan Thicke"no comments
This is the current featured item on the Anaheim Ducks' page. The Anaheim Ducks don't have anyone with the name "Ryan" on the roster, so I assume this is blatant pandering. To me. A member of the press*. I for one am thoroughly disgusted
(*press is a term used extremely loosely).
I have my morals, Anaheim Ducks, and I will not give you glowing coverage just because you have a shirt that is clearly designed to woo me and get you in the good graces of Barry Melrose Rocks.
Besides, everyone know that I wear #25.no comments
This baby, as it turns out, is a Los Angeles Kings fan. Baby knows that it's bad mojo to touch the Stanley Cup if you haven't won it, and the Kings haven't won the Cup since before they were bornno comments
I grew up in a small town in southern Minnesota where things don't really change often, so when the slightest thing comes along, I hear about it even though I live in the cosmopolitan metropolis of St. Paul these days. They changed the name of the gas station on Highway 5! They put in a stop light! Did you hear about the car accident?
Still, even as inoccuous as those headlines may be, and as quaint a picture as it paints of my home town, there is no chance that they would have made a fuss about a sign going up in the city center. The Edmonton Oilers took a picture of the sign and made it their featured story on their home page.
Edmonton, you are adorable. Let me know when you have your next bake sale!no comments
(SCENE: ERIC and JORDAN STAAL are hanging out at ERIC’s home in North Carolina. JARED enters.)
JARED STAAL: GUESS WHO HAS A SHINY NEW CONTACT, BONERS!
ERIC STAAL: What are you talking about?
JARED: I got a contract for the Hurricanes! Staal bros are gonna wreck the shit outta the Southeast!
JORDAN STAAL: Actually, I heard they’re changing the division names. We’re now in, like, the Metropolitan division or some shit.
ERIC: Metropolitan? Isn’t that what those chicks on “Sex and the City” drink when they aren’t banging dudes?
JARED: How do you know about “Sex and the City”?
ERIC: What? A dude can’t appreciate the comedy stylings of Sarah Jessica Parker and those three other broads?
JARED: I question your masculinity.
JORDAN: Whatever. It doesn’t matter what division it is. You’re getting sent down after preseason anyway.
JARED: But, but…I have a contract! It even says Hurricanes on it and everything!
ERIC: It’s a two-way contract, dumbass. That means they can send you down whenever they want. Don’t you read shit before signing it?
JORDAN: Holy shit, you’re dumb.
JARED: Screw you wangnuts. You’ll see, I’m going to be great for the team!
JORDAN: Dude, you’re 22, and on a one year two-way contract. Maybe you should learn to read books instead. (JARED’s phone rings. It’s MARC STAAL)
JARED: What the? Hello?
MARC: Hey, dude! I just wanted to congratulate my little brother on getting onto the Hurricanes!
JARED: I’m sorry, who is this?
MARC: This is Marc. I’m your brother.
JARED: Whatever, I’m putting you on speaker so my brothers can hear your dumbassery.
MARC: But I’m Marc! You know, your brother? I play for the New York Rangers? I’m kind of a ginger?
ERIC: What’s it like to have no soul, shitass?
JARED: Shit, a ginger defenseman? Do your parents know you’re out this late? Do they let you use the phone unsupervised?
MARC: You’re talking pretty big game for someone as useful as a one-handed sign language interpreter. At least I play on teams with REAL names. I mean, Everblades? That’s not even a thing. And “Checkers”? I always figured “Candy land” was more your speed.
JORDAN: Nice burn, considering how little you’ve won. CUP RINGS, ASSDOZER (He and ERIC high five)
MARC: I was on two World Junior teams that won gold. AND I was in the playoffs this year. What did you do during playoffs?
ERIC: Watched the playoffs from a mansion that probably costs as much as a walk-in closet in New York.
MARC: Man, fuck you guys. (hangs up)
JORDAN: What a turdburgler. Now, let’s talk jerseys. You can’t be J. Staal. There’s only one J. Staal, and that’s me. Your name can be…let’s see…Bubbles. You can be Bubbles.
JARED: I don’t wanna be Bubbles! That’s a stupid name.
ERIC: As team captain, I think what happens is that you guys are then “Jo. Staal” and Ja. Staal.”
JARED: Shit, Bubbles may be better. It’d be like those Brazilian soccer players with fourteen names who just go by one name, like Pele.
JORDAN: Wait, “Ja Staal” is even funnier. Does that mean he has to guest rap on tracks by J.Lo and Ashanti?
ERIC: I’m not sure, but he may have to start feuds with 50 Cent and Eminem.
JARED: What are you guys talking about? You hate rap.
JORDAN: I used to, but living in Pittsburgh and Raleigh really expanded my horizons.
ERIC: Did you know black people are real? I only ever read about them in books. (ERIC’s phone rings. It’s MAMA STAAL.)
MAMA STAAL: Hello, boys!
ERIC, JARED, and JORDAN: HI, MOM!
MAMA STAAL: I heard about Jared’s new contract! That must be exciting for all three of you to play on the same team. It’s fewer jerseys I need to buy, anyway.
JARED: Mom, they’re all making fun of me. They say that I’m going to get sent down to the minor leagues.
MAMA STAAL: Well, honey, maybe if you don’t suck or screw up, you won’t get sent down.
ERIC: Hahahaha, oh, Mom.
JARED: Mom, that’s, like, super mean.
JORDAN: But accurate!
MAMA STAAL: Just make sure you work hard and take your vitamins. Remember, I still love you, even if you’re not a hockey player.
ERIC: She’ll just love you a little less because hockey and sod farming are the only things worth doing in Thunder Bay.
JORDAN: And you can’t become a professional “Get Drunk and Yell at Cars” player.
ERIC: Hell, I’m sure Tanya and I could always use some help with the kids.
JORDAN: They can be Staal Bros Two! We could have an all Staal league!
MAMA STAAL: Don’t get ahead of yourself, boys. Do any of you really want to raise a goalie?
ERIC: Maybe so the other ones could practice. Otherwise, goalies are just weird.
JARED: But hey, maybe someone needs to manage these players, huh? Huuuuh?
JORDAN: Don’t get ahead of yourself, bro.no comments
So Nashville has had a rough stretch lately. They lost Ryan Suter, they are being put into a division that will require them to take regular trips to Winnipeg, and their offseason signings involved two players that the Minnesota Wild couldn't find space for. But hey, the Preds were able to select future superstar Seth Jones with pick number 4 in the draft, and they have long term stability in management and coaching.
Things may look a little down in the dumps in Nashville, but there is still plenty to be excited about. Now, what would be the perfect marketing stunt? How about turning the ice gold in honor of their famous third jerseys as kids come to skate this summer. That would be awesome!no comments