Look at these Predators fans, celebrating their win over the Red Wings. After Vancouver last year, haven't these fas learned ANYTHING about celebrating safely?

Look at those towels spinning through the air! They could put someone's eye out, or at the very least scratch a cornea! And listen to all that noise! I mean, that is going to cause some serious ringing in the ears for at least 30 seconds after leaving the arena. What if a fan leaving the arena immediately steps into the street, but they can't hear a car coming! And nobody can shout a warning, because their throats are all scratchy from the screaming inside the arena. This is very reckless, Nashville. That's what I'm saying. Tone it down.

[SCENE: The Sedins sit on a bridge holding fishing poles]

Daniel: It is a sad day, Henrik. No more hockey for us.

Henrik: I am confused, Daniel. We are the best. We had 4 Swedes, and only 1 Finn.

Daniel: Salo....

Henrik: Efterbliven! 

[Daniel and Henrik sit in silence, holding their poles, which are, in truth, only sticks with rope tied to the end]

[Ryan Kesler lurks in the back ground, pretending like he doesn't want to be noticed, but really is making a deperate plea for attention]

Henrik: Oh, hellow Ryan Kesler. What are you doing on our fishing bridge?

Kesler: This is a city park, Henrik, there are a lot of people here.

Daniel: Perhaps that is why we are not catching anything.

Kesler: And also, this is a pedestrian bridge. To catch fish, you need to be casting your line into water.

[Sedins emit high pitched squeal]

Kesler: What's so funny? That was a laugh right?

Henrik: In Sweden, "fishing" means to use fish as bait. We're not so stupid as to be worming in a park with no water!

Kesler: Of... course, you're not.

[Daniel pulls in line. Tied to the end is a salmon]

Daniel: See? This is fishing for Swedes?

Kesler: Dare I ask what you are trying to catch?

Henrik: Bears.

Kesler: You're trying to catch a bear in a city park in Vancouver?

Daniel: No, one for each of us, why would we share just one bear? You ask very strange questions, Ryan Kesler.

Kesler: Why....



Henrik: Oh look, Daniel, you got a nibble!

Kesler: Holy Christmas! [Kesler runs away]

Henrik: Rats. And I was going to invite him to the annual Sedin Bear Race and Caribou hunt.

Daniel: I think I'm going to name him Bear!  

Henrik: Great name!

[Bear tries to eat Daniel's arm]

Henrik: Excellent! He likes you! The offseason is sure going to be relaxing! 

Times are tough in Detroit, or so I'm told. Declining auto industry, recession, Red Wings getting knocked out of the playoffs, having to pay Megtron all that money, yadda yadda. I've only been there twice in between connecting flights for a grand total of probably like three hours but I'm sure that if people are out there selling their dentures on eBay things can't be that good, right?

If you'd like to own this abomination of sports memorabilia you can through the magic of eBay. It can be yours for $50 CDN, which begs the question: how the hell did this get through customs? And we have so many more questions. Is this a game-used item? Did the original owner have their teeth knocked out in a hockey game? Can we get our own custom Jeremy Roenick denture? Can we get Jimmy Howard to sign this?

The seller doesn't answer most of those questions in the description but let's sort through the information they did provide with haphazard grammar and punctuation, courtesy of the Alberta public school system.

This is definatly a unique auction, you are bidding on a used denture with Jimmy howard embeded in the palate of the denture,iv never seen anything like this,

Most people haven't. And shouldn't.

no idea of its history or its worth.

Oh COME ONNNNN. You know what the deal is. Don't be shy.

if anything it is a very rare pice for any collection,iv done a little checking and to have a denture made without a hockey player in the palate (lol)is between $1200-$1500,

It's got to be like double that to miniaturize and put a hockey player in there, I would think.

if anything its a great conversation pice

(No pun intended?)

 You've all seen all the memes there are. I think it's time for a new one. Presenting Play it Safe Sedin!











 

The Saint Louis Blues seemingly came out of nowhere this season, claiming the Central Division and the #2 seed in the Western Conference. They have only made the post season once since 2004, getting swept by the Canucks in 2009. A lot of things have changed since the last time the Blues took a game against the Sharks in the playoffs of 2004. Here are a few things that have gone down since.
- The NHL Lockout
- The end of ties, and introduction of the shootout.
- The Thrashers move to Winnipeg
- Mario Lemieux played 2 more seasons.
- Jaromir Jagr played an entire Russian career 
- Wayne Gretzky had a 4 year coaching career
- Two presidential elections, including Bush's reelection and nearly 4 years of Obama. I have no idea what happened in Canada.
- People stopped caring about Jack Black
- Eric Lindros  was still soft
- Oldsmobile stopped production just before the Blues won their last playoff game.
- Friends went off the air
- The entire run of Lost
- Katrina and two tsunami's
- Barry Melrose Rocks was founded, and moved to Bloguin. The Victoria Times was founded, shut down, and relaunched as the Rhino and Compass 
- Schultz hit puberty (finally)
- I graduated college, and will be celebrating 7 years of post college life.

I guess what I'm saying is, it's been a long time for the Blues. Of course, the Maple Leafs haven't even tasted the post season since then. 

Admittedly, it was a meeting I never expected to happen. But there I was, in one of the diviest of dive bars, sitting at a table across from Brian Burke and Randy Carlyle. Burke, ever the health nut, ordered a steak tip salad, adding “make sure those are rare steak tips. REALLY rare. You know what? Just taze the cow and bring ‘er out here.” Carlyle and I ordered chicken sandwiches

Like most Toronto Maple Leafs fans, I had noticed the lack of consistency with the team, especially in the position of goaltender. Injuries and inconsistencies had plagued the position for years. It made me write and send a drunken email offering my goaltending services. Despite my lack of experience with the position, I offered to work for a major discount and many beers.

I had no idea that they would take me seriously.

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Hang in there, Toronto, at least you still have '67. 

But seriously, this guy can't possibly be from Canada right? Attacking interviews, biting commentary? I bet they all wore flannel and chopped down a tree after the report wrapped to make amends. 

As you may have known, I had a trip to Tampa, where I will be moving. I took in a game and documented the trip here.  This post is a LOT of pictures, so pay attention. Remember, each picture is worth 1000 words a piece!


A flash mob? A rain dance? Who knows? They even have some ice girls in here. 
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(Jamie Benn laughs at Minnesota's pain)

Can we please just end the season now? I love hockey, really, I do, but the Wild this season have really tested my resolve. Now that they are out of the playoffs officially, I almost want the team to call off the rest of the season.
Consider, at the beginning of the year, the Wild were the story of the season, on top of the league. Since January, they have been thoroughly and painfully incompetent, as much do to injury as an overall lack of talent. I think they have earned maybe 6 points in the last 3 months or so. I would look it up, but I fear the overwhelming wave of depression that would surely follow.
Other bad teams are still watchable for their fans. Aside from the particular brand of hockey the Wild are playing, namely that they don't score any goals, and really don't allow THAT many mean the games aren't that exciting. They have a good goalie and a better than bad blue line and absolutely no healthy forwards. They don't score, and their opponents don't score. It's excruciating hockey, even if you aren't committed to the team. Objectively and subjectively, the Wild are hard to watch.
If you look at other teams that are falling apart here late in the season, they get to scout the youngsters that now get roster spots because pricey veterans have been traded away. They get to see a little hope for next season at the end of this miserable season. Well, Minnesota has called up more players than any other team, by a substantial margin, and the team has sucked because of it.
So there is no hope at the end of the season, and the team plays a cripplingly boring game that drafs their opponents down with them. Besides, it's been really awesome this spring, and I want to go outside. Don't make me endure this any more. Please.  

This is a conversation that needs to happen.


That is all.

(I suspect they would talk about hoses, little people and Chris Chelios) 

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