Fine, 51 isn't THAT old in normal life, but in hockey, it's almost unheard of.  Friend of the Wild's goalie coach, Paul Deutsch, got called up to be the guy in the coolest fantasy camp ever.  Even if he didn't play, I'm sure it was awesome.  

The quick facts:
*I'm sure Deutsch got to tell stories about when he goaltended without twitter, neck guards, and ice girls.  
*Dwayne Roloson must have been thrilled to find out he was no longer the oldest goaltender in the league.  
*Even at 51 and not being a real professional athelete, Deustch still has a better time not being injured than Rick DiPeitro.  
*As much as the Leafs are boned in goal right now, I still don't want to trade for this guy. Or Turco.  

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It's Thanksgiving week* amd Wednesday, as it is known around here, is Amateur Night. You see, all the people that don't typically go out, seeing a long weekend ahead and old friends in town, will go out and get faced. This is their one time a year to really cut loose. These are amateurs. There will be vomit at any club or bar you go to. 
Around here, I like to think of ourselves as  professional drinkers around these parts, so we should be drinking on Tuesday night. As luck would have it, they have plenty of amateur hockey players in St. Louis.
(*Bite me, Canada)

Hello everyone, I'm Ryan Miller of the Buffalo Sabres.  A few days ago, I called Milan Lucic a piece of shit after he ran into me.  I would like to apologize for my outburst, as it has been upsetting to Boston fans. 

It was rude of me to point out what a piece of shit he is, even if it's true,  and I should have kept my opinon to myself. My mother always said that if I didn't have anything nice to say, I shouldn't say anything at all.  And later in that clip, when I said "he's a shit"? I apologize for that too.  I'm a smart guy--I shouldn't have stooped to using such poor grammar like that.  

Whaaaaaaaaat? A nationally televised game from Canada? Strictly speaking, isn't this an internationally televised game? Holy cow, I don't know what to think. Are you like me, in that it just doesn't seem like Canada is a different country? If I'm being fair, I would have to wager that I have more in common with someone from Winnipeg than those from, say, Miami. Of course, Montreal totally feels like a different country, because they speak the devils tongue. 
In honor of a real live game being played in Canada and being aired in the States, I suggest we all drink Molson. Of course, they don't SELL Molson here, so I will just have a Coors Light.

Colorado and Detroit! One of the better rivalries of the past 10-15 years! Pavel Datsyuk has been one of the best talents in teh game for many years now, and he is doing a little stick hadling in the offensive zone. 

Shit, Jonathan Ericsson don't care. He just wants to go home and play XBox.

Hello Tim, the guy from the Tim Horton's Ad I dressed up as for Halloween, 

 

Special thanks to @DasNordlicht91 and @kid_kawartha for the still.

I’m sorry if my costume was offensive. It was kind of an inside joke with me and the other Leafs guys.  They kept buying me Tim Horton’s coffee (even though I don’t really drink coffee) and asking me about a BELT. I know the B stands for bacon, but also that sausage is equally tasty.  Also, I had maybe an hour to think up and make my costume.  I ended up late to that party.  I HATE being late to anywhere if I can help it. 

To be honest, I think you and other construction guys are doing a swell job here in Canada. Everybody needs roads and buildings and I’m sure you’re doing a bang-up job in between starring in commercials.  You can point to something after you’ve finished and say “I helped build that.”  No matter what I do, you’ll always have that, unless your building gets torn down or catches on fire or something.

You say I’m better looking and more successful than you, but that’s just not true.  I mean, I can’t run a crane, or whatever construction thing you do.  I also can’t grow a beard that’s as thick or as red as yours, so that’s a plus!  I’m sure it gets cold working construction, and that beard is great for keeping your face warm.  My beard isn’t nearly as good for that.

I have to admit, I love games that feature teams that aren't the Penguins, Bruins, Flyers, Capitals or Red Wings. I am the type that enjoys a little variety in my TV viewing life. This is the only game of the three on Versus that doesn't feature one of those teams. Of course, I could have gone Islanders-Bruins as a tribute to Schultz, but as an Isles fan, I doubt he needs to invent an excuse to drink. 
No, instead we are going to feature the Carolina Hurricanes and the New Jersey Devils. People of a certain age would recognize this as a contest between the Hartford Whalers and the Colorado Rockies. Thank goodness the spectre of an NHL franchise being moved is now long over. Isn't that right, Atlanta?

[We join Alexander Frolov and Anze Kopitar, meeting for the first time in a year, already debating]

Kopitar: I know he was a fan of both of ours, but I think it should be fairly obvious that Tom Selleck is a bigger fan of both of ours

Frolov: How can you say that? After I left the Kings, he started a show in New York. He followed me to New York! 

Kopitar: Yeah, well, he didn't follow you to Russia did he?

[Frolov's lip quivers]

Kopitar: Tom Selleck doesn't care about you! Tom Selleck NEVER cared about you!

Frolov: You.... You..... You scruffy looking nerf herder! We are THROUGH as friends!

[Frolov storms out, probably never to be seen in America again]

This vignette inspired by Tom Selleck's Wikipedia page, notably this line: 
Selleck is an avid ice hockey fan and has been seen attending Los Angeles Kings games at the Staples Center. He lists Anze Kopitar and Alexander Frolov as two of his favorite players.