OK, so let me get this straight: after the regular season is over, some teams get to play each other a bunch of time,like a home and home? And they just go back and forth? And if your team loses, you go home? Dang...playoffs is scary. 

You'lll have to forgive us here at Barry Melrose Rocks.  See, since the first year we all started blogging here, this is the first time that we've all had teams in the playoffs.  I always blamed a bit of myself for the Leafs lack of success, but I have no idea whta Schultz and Ryan are doing.  I guess I'll have to come up with some smack talk for the whole tournament... (In no particular order)

PITTSBURGH: None of your guys can grow a playoff beard.  I'm pretty sure Sidney Crosby sparkles in the sun, which I guess makes Geno Malkin Jacob and...this got a whole lot more awkward. 

NEW YORK ISLANDERS: John Tavares looks like he has a really hairy back.  Also, Kyle Okposo is the only Nigerian Ginger in existence, so he's a DAYWALKER.  

MONTREAL: Maudite calisse du cul. Le petite Gionta, va te faire cuire un oeuf! 

OTTAWA:  Last time I was in Ottawa, I got drunk enough that as I was vomiting, I seriously asked myself, "what did I eat that was purple?"  And that's all I have to say about that. 

WASHINGTON: AKA Alex Ovechkin and a bunch of other dudes. 

NEW YORK RANGERS: Henrik Lundqvist remains pretty.  That is all. 

BOSTON: Your city smells like sea waste and despair. Tim Horton's coffee may be swill, but I'm not a coffee drinker. Besides, Tim Horton's donuts >>>>>>>>Dunkin Donuts. You know it. 

CHICAGO: Patrick Kane is still short, which makes it easy for him to drink anyone under the table, as he resides there. Also, Duncan Keith is kind of  a jerk. 

MINNESOTA: Well, Ryan should be happy about this.  So good for him. 

ANAHEIM: Who cares? 

DETROIT: The average age on the Red Wings is 62.72 years old.  I just thought you should know that. 

VANCOUVER: Creepy Sedins are creepy. 

SAN JOSE: Joe Thornton and a bunch of guys try to go beyond first round.  Let's see what happens. 

ST. LOUIS: Long cup drought, bitter fans with gallows humor, lots of booze?  Hell, the Blues fans I know  are almost Leafs West.  Almost. 

L.A.: They WHAT last season? Huh. That's  cool. I got nothing.  I don't even know who plays for them anymore.  They're like NHL Slenderman--non-descript and faceless  If you see them, you'll probably die. 

Via the Panthers.

Duncan Keith, aka the Keith of Thrones was interviewed by Karen Thompson of a radio station in Vancouver last night. Here it is, in it's entirety via the Chicago Tribune:

Thomson: “Can you talk about what happened after the Daniel Sedin goal?” 

Keith: “Which one was that one?

Thomson: “The third goal.”

Keith: “The third one? Well, we scored one goal after that I think and the 
game ended 3-1.” 

Thomson: “Right after the goal when you were on the ice with Daniel. Right after he scored. You remember?”

Keith: “I went off the ice and took a minus. I don’t know. What are you talking about?” 

Thomson: “Nothing. Just checking.”

Keith: “What did you see?”

Thomson: “It looked like maybe there was a penalty that went undetected. You seemed a bit frustrated.” 

Keith: “Oh, no. I don’t think there was anything. I think he scored a nice goal. The ref was right there. That’s what the ref saw. We should get you as a ref maybe, eh?” 

Thomson: “Yeah, maybe.”

Keith: The first female … ” 

Thomson: “I can’t skate, though.” 

Keith: “The first female referee. You can’t play probably either, right?  But you're thinking the game like you know it? Okay, see ya.”

Oh. Well,then. Let me make the leap.I can't skate (oversized head), and I definitely can't play. Does that mean I should no longer "think the game"? That's a bummer.Sorry Duncan Keith.

Now that's a great save. If Pavelec plays like this in the post-season they are going to be a force to be reckoned with. Oh, what's that? 9th place? 7th and 8th place teams have a team in hand? Well, never mind then.

If you are like me, and you think of romance and northern California, I'm sure you move quickly past San Francisco, Lake Tahoe, or Monterey and their beautiful panoramas and perfectly designed settings, almost as if engineered for the serindipitous happenstance of love. If you are like me, you roll on past all that stuff and think "HP Pavillion in San Jose" The Ruppels thought so. They got married with a Sharks themed wedding back in October ending a courtship that began at the Pavillion. Take a look at the happy couple after the jump:

So it turns out that Bettman and the owners were the biggest assholes to cause Boston to miss Bruins games this year. 

Obviously, Barry Melrose Rocks extends our condolences to victims of the Boston Marathon attacks, and our sincere appreciation to the police and first responders who just apprehended one of the prime suspects and aided those injured during the attacks, preventing a more injurious assault.

We typically look mostly at the NHL at BMR, but with only two teams left in the College Hockey championship tournament, colloquially known as the Frozen Four, I thought we should look at the two schools left to fight for the National Championship with a few fun facts! They are both small little schools from Connecticut, so we will all probably learn something!

YALE
- Yale is in the Ivy League, which is a collection of schools that specialize in botany.

- Yale is named after Elihu Yale, who was a governor of the British East India Company. The Selanne's almost named their sone Elihu

- Yale's top major is "alcohology". The final involves a beer bong.

- Yale is known for it's prestigious Law School, which involves more viewings of "Alfie" than should be legal.

- For as elite as Yale pretends to be, New Haven isn't even the snootiest town in their county. Not even top 5. Connecticut is oppressively snooty.

- Moses Cleaveland is among the famous alums. He founded Cleveland. He knew the city was going to be so embarrassing, he changed the spelling to dissociate from it.

- Yale was Kevin Schultz's safety school.

QUINNIPIAC
- Quinnipiac was named after their founder Fernando Quinnipiac. You probably know him better as the inventor of the bean bag chair.

- Quinnipiac is following the Gonzaga model for success that they used for basketball. Have a funny name, a student body that smokes a ton of pot then also somehow field a good team.

- Probably the best college in New Haven County, Connecticut.

- Quinnipiac is home to a famous polling institute. I'm not sure what that means, but I think it's where the Islanders get their ice girls.

- Most students are actually clay-mation.

- Quinnipiac has the most winners of Legends of the Hidden Temple per capita in any American student body.

- The school had a controversy with the school's newspaper and their insistence on putting news online before in the print edition. I, for one, side with the school. The internet is stupid and not a good source of valid information.

Oh, sure, you could have been part of the Columbus fan base and watched your team make one of the biggest moves in the teams' history, acquiring Marian Gaborik, but then, you would probably have to live in Ohio and be a Blue Jackets' fan. Or you could be a Wild fan, who has watched the team suddenly spend all of their money on all of the players, but then have the sinking realization that they sunk a hell of a lot of their future into Jason Pominville. 

No no, fans of teams mentioned in the title of this post, it was indeed YOU who won the trade deadline. Take a look at what these media virtuosos have to say!

"On the bright side, Patrick Sharp and Marian Hossa should be returning to the lineup soon—giving the 'Hawks a much needed offensive boost. The return of these two players would be just as good as a trade for a team struggling to find consistency."

"Getting Bertuzzi, Helm, Samuelsson back will be like trade acquisition"

"...getting Joffrey Lupul back into the lineup is going to be huge from them. They’ve managed to contend without him. Getting him back is a huge addition, without having to surrender the pieces that you would in a trade."

So never fear, fans. Even if you didn't quite get to experience the excitement of a deadline deal, it's like you did. Bleacher Report can't be wrong!

The Penguins, as far as I can tell, are working on a campaign to prove their superiority over the rest of the league in one of the more emasculating manners that I can imagine. It's one thing to be a good team. There are always good teams, and the Pens are one of the best. It's one thing to patch up holes with good players. It's an entirely different thing to acquire franchise legends from other teams and plug them on the second or third line.

"Oh, Dallas and Calgary you have embraced Brenden Morrow for over a decade as the face of your franchise, leaders of the team and active members of the community! Their value on the ice is only surpassed by their intangible, intrinsic value to the locker room and the franchise, you say? Well let us just shit all over that, acquire them for pennies on the dollar and drop them into the 2nd or 3rd line," says Troll Crosby.

I'm really just hoping that in about 10 years, the Penguins trade Crosby to Nashville or something. 

We at Barry Melrose Rocks recognize that hockey and soccer are kindred spirits. (Lacrosse is cool too.) In America, all of the games are appreciated and enjoyed by a substantial portion of the country, though, admittedly, both soccer and hockey fans are in the minority. 

Both sports are also similar in that they are fairly low scoring, appreciated outside of the United States and have fans here at Barry Melrose Rocks (fun fact, Loser Domi is actually AZ Alkmaar and Team USA forward Jozy Altidore). While other sports are in competition, I felt like soccer and hockey were in cooperation. 

Well, last night, the US played Mexico in World Cup Qualification and it was covered on ESPN. Sport Illustrated'd basketball writer (I have a lot of interests, ok?) noted that SportsCenter had a half hour of World Cup Qualifier coverage, and I responded thusly, because ESPN maintains a staff full of spiteful d-bags (except for Melrose and Buccigross!) 

@andyglockner I hope you know they aren't doing this for all of the soccer fans, they do it to spite hockey fans

— Ryan Henning (@VictoriawxRhino) March 27, 2013

Tweeted tongue in cheek, of course. But go soccer! Go America! But that elicited a response from a random internet user on Twitter.com. 

@victoriawxrhino @andyglockner What hockey fans? #NoLongerThe4thMajorSport #Soccer

— Dan Steeves (@DanSteeves) March 27, 2013

What the hell, soccer? I thought we were cool. Well, I for one, am not going to stoop to your level. Mostly because I will be busy picking up the shattered pieces of my heart.