Chapter one is here



(ERIC, JORDAN and MARC have returned to the house with their “bounty.” JARED has finally arrived at the house.)

MARC: Mom, we’re back! And we brought food!

JORDAN: Eric thought he shot one of Santa’s reindeer, so he started crying like a little bitch.

ERIC: Up yours! I did not cry!

MAMA STAAL: I’m not cooking a donkey for Christmas.

ERIC: What’s the big deal? You tie up its bung, and cut it like a deer, and go to town.

MARC: Hehehehehe, bunghole.

MAMA STAAL:  You’re being disgusting.  All of you.

ERIC: AT least I brought you something.

JORDAN: Yeah, unlike Jared over here who fails at EVERYTHING.

JARED:  Kiss my ass, shit twiddler.
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I saw the Blackhawks the other day, live when they were in St. Paul to play the Wild. I have to tell you, they are a team that I definitely don't mind seeing again. While many people like a brutish, physical game, I like watching a gifted skill player in action, and the Blackhawks have a few that can buckle some knees or break some ankles or whatever, depending on what flaws the defensemen have in their skating form.
Of course, this is the Holiday season, so if you are intending on drinking Tuesday night (I have my Real Job Inc. Holiday party, for example) I suggest playing this game with eggnog. And a Santa hat.

Evgeni Malkin would like to dry hump you all in the face. He's wearing breezers, but he can feel it. 

Man, Sidney Crosby, injured again. This really underscores the importance of concussion safety. I mean, Crosby is struggling to recover from one of the most brutal, cheapest shots I have ever seen in my life from Dave Steckel. Honestly, he should have been arrested for that hit, let alone a penalty. David Kreijci isn't nearly as dirty a player because he doesn't play for the Crapitals, but he should still have been suspended.
Anyways, I think the NHL needs to take a stand against blows to the head and learn to promote concussion safety. Too many members of hockey's elite are sitting out because of these dangerous blows to head. I think the care teams are giving to the players is exemplary, but the league needs to come down harder on the assailants.
Wait, sorry, I got off track. How did we start talking about concussions again? Oh right! What I was saying  is, I can't believe that that pussy Roger Goodell is suspending James Harrison again. Ruining the game.

I expect that starting next year, we will see a lot more Colorado. The Pacific Division, or as I will now call it, the MacBrayer Division (you know it exists, but never actually see anything from it) will play a lot less central time zone games, which means if West Coast teams are going to get on TV, it will have to be on the rare East Coast trips, or.... Or it will have to be on thos games to Colorado. Because like hell Versus is showing a game from Canada.

Gabriel Landeskog better not suck.

Well, first the question is "how did they get ice or interest in hockey to Turkey?" Next is "does the lack of commentary make this video a little spooky?" (yes). Thirdly, "how can I ensure that I am never involved in a Turkish hockey game?"

via With Leather 

Tuesday night was a perfect example of... of.... Listen. The Blues and Red Wings played strong, they gave it their all, 100% on the ice... Listen, that first period was... it was.... it was, I mean. Just listen, that first period.
Scoring didn't start until the second, and I tell you what.... listen, this Alex Steen, I tell you what. After Franzen... just wow. I mean, just.... wow. Listen, Alex Steen.... I tell you what. I mean, wow. Really gutty performance. Just, wow. I tell you what.
The score was tied, it was tied, so the score was tied after two, and, you know what? Listen. The Blues were just, they were so... I mean, listen. If they can get after it like they did in that third period, then I tell you what. I mean, they get after it like that? Then they are really going to... listen. This David Backes, I mean. Just, this Backes kid. Really gets after it, Really, I mean, just... listen. David Backes he has it, you know what I mean? Wow. I mean.... listen. David Backes.
But it wasn't done, they needed to... listen, they needed to put... I mean, they needed to really just, I meant REALLY needed to .... listen. They had to lay it all out there, and put one home so they could, you know, I tell you what. And they did. They really did. Patrik Berglund. I tell you what. Third period! The kid from Sweden. I tell you what. I mean, listen. This kid from Sweden, I tell you what. Great kid. Love his talent. Just.... listen.
And they NEEDED that goal. Such a clutch goal. Such an important... I tell you what. Listen. If they don't get that goal. I mean. Wow. I tell you what. Just.. I mean, late in the game, the Red Wngs. Ooh boy. I mean, wow. Those Red Wings, they don't quit. Ha! I tell you what, those Red Wings. Listen, those Red Wings. I tell you what.


Thank you Kelly Chase! 

(SCENE: ERIC, JORDAN and MARC STAAL are at their parents’ house in Thunder bay, Ontario.)

MAMA STAAL: It’s so nice to have you boys here for Christmas, even if Jared is running a bit late.  It’s just too bad that the dog ate our turkey…and the ham.  And about six pies.

FATHER STAAL: Damn turkey wasn’t even thawed yet! It was still all frozen!

ERIC: That’s my Rockso!

MARC: That dog’s friggin’ indestructible.

JORDAN: It’s great that Rockso’s like 30 and still going strong, but now we don’t have much for dinner tomorrow.

ERIC: Don’t’ worry mom.  Me, Jordan, and Marc will take care of it for you.

(A little later, after dark, ERIC, JORDAN, and MARC are walking in the forest.  ERIC is carrying a rifle, while JORDAN is carrying a six back of beer and continually drinking)

MARC: Eric, if we’re getting stuff for mom, why are we in the woods with a gun?  Why aren’t we going to the grocery store?

ERIC: Go to a grocery store at this time of year, and at this time of night? Screw that shit, we’re going fresh.

MARC: But isn’t that illegal?

JORDAN: Pfffft. We’re the Staals.  We’re the most remarkable thing to come out of Thunder Bay since…since…uhh…

ERIC: Crippling depression?

JORDAN: Exactly.
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Yes, I Made another video while drinking a lot. Here is the map for those of you who w nat to follow at home:

Enjoy it while you can, America. The Phoenix Coyotes are on TV. And they still exist, which is also remarkable. I hope everyone successfully navigated the holiday and a week without much by way of posts here at BMR. I, nor Loser Domi are machines. But now I am back, and ready to encourage binge drinking once again.
The question I have for almost anyone that has ever said that hockey doesn't belong in Phoenix... have you ever BEEN to Phoenix? It's warm and sunny ALL THE TIME. Sure, you can't really play pond hockey to build your local talent or anything, but dammit, Phoenix is amazing. This has to be the reason the Coyotes are still there, so Edmonton gets a trip to Arizona every once in a while. It just makes sense.