I'm not sure if the execs at ESPN think this is supposed to be punishment or something -- clearly, it's not -- but they've sent everyone in their hockey department to cover the Olympics in Vancouver. Literally everyone. Last night I was watching Sportscenter and Barry Melrose, John Buccigross AND Matthew Barnaby all appeared on my television screen during a segment discussing hockey at the Olympics. AND they weren't in a studio at Bristol. They were actually in Vancouver. Or at least outside ESPN studios in Bristol, which given the amount of snowfall in the Northeast probably looks a lot like Vancouver right now.

AND not only did they send those three to Vancouver but they sent Pierre LeBrun and Scott Burnside too! ESPN sent FIVE HOCKEY ANALYSTS to the Olympics. FIVE!!! I'm no fact checker but they haven't sent that many to the Stanley Cup Finals since the Finals were actually on ESPN!

So now there's so much going on I don't even know what to do with myself. From the trio on Sportscenter to LeBrun and Burnside getting upclose and personal in video blogs this is too much for me to handle. Imagine if all five did a video blog together on top of whatever mountain LeBrun and Burnside are in this video. It would be the whitest video ever. You couldn't find that much middle aged white guy at a pizza place in the middle of Staten Island (or a Denny's in Topeka if you're like Ryan and from the West Coast).

Dustin Penner: Hey Tom, does it look like that guy is about to eat my head?

Tom Gilbert: Uhhhhh...

Penner: You know, if someone from the AP or Getty Images was about to take a picture of us.

Gilbert: Heh. Yeah, sorta. He's like "I'm gonna eat your head Dustin"

Penner: Heh, yeah.....

[silence]

Penner: What are you going to do with your two weeks off Tom?

Gilbert: What? Two weeks off?

Penner: Yeah, for the Olympics. There's a two week break. Didn't you know?

Gilber: Heck, I thought we were taking the whole season off.

Penner: lol

Gilbert: lol

[silence]

Gilbert: Wait, what's the Olympics.

Penner: It's where the greatest athletes in the world come together to compete in their sport. This year they are playing in Vancouver. The best hockey players in the world will be there, which is why we have time off.

Gilbert: Best hockey players in the world? Yeah, I'm not going to be there.

Penner: lol

Gilbert: lol

[silence]

Gilbert: Where the hell is Vancouver?

The Wild made a trade today, unloading Kim Johnsson and a prospect on the Hawks for young Cam Barker. I wanted to look into what Barker brings to the Wild, specifically, so I hit the Google. Anyone who has tried to look up a hockey player online knows that the third suggestion for every one of htem (save for Jinelle Zaugg-Siergiej) is "[Player X] girlfriend". Obviously, I had to check out his catty jersey chaser girlfriend page.
Some facts and quotes that I learned and read.

- The Chicago ice girls (or whatever) should change their name to the "Ice Trash/sluts/dying for attention hoes".

- "How do you log into Facebook?"

- Cam's girlfriends is a "dull looking brunette"

- There is some anonymous hockey skank that is willing to hook up with him, despite protestations that he looks like a turtle and/or Clay Aiken.

Every sport has their skanks, but I think hockey's have to be the best. They've taken to the internet!

Jinelle Zaugg-Siergiej is a defenseman for the women's Team USA Hockey squad and is on her way to Vancouver to participate in the upcoming Olympic games.  She's a former Wisconsin Badger who can check you through the boards and pose for a modeling shoot in the same night.  USA! USA! USA!

She was sweet enough to answer a few of our silly questions prior to her departure.

BMR: Tell all the kiddies who you are and what you do.

JZS: My name is Jinelle Zaugg-Siergiej and I’m a fun loving, home schooled, boys hockey playing, two time Wisconsin national champion hockey player free time spent going horse back riding, newly married member of the 2010 US Women’s Olympic team.

BMR: What is the worst butchered pronunciation of your last name you've heard so far? Has anyone ever sprained anything pronouncing your name? For the record, what is the proper way?

JZS: Several announcers mush my maiden name Zaugg and my married name Siergiej into “Zaugg’s are gay”… that would probably be the worst.

BMR: When you played on boy's teams in high school, how much grief did they give you? How fun was it to outplay the dudes after they talked trash to you?

JZS: The boys always gave me a hard time no matter what I always “skated like a girl” but when I was able to take the first line spot or check a guy into the boards it was all worth it.

BMR: Best college hangout in Madison?

JZS: Well between carrying 12-18 credits in school, and being at the rink for 2-5 hours a day the hang out was my house with my non-hockey roomies.

BMR: Being a badger, can you at least find humor in the "No Badgers" commercials? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwsNLWLJELw).

JZS: Well ping blue is not a badger color but watching a badger talking is always humorous to me.

BMR: Here's a fun fact about badgers: Although badgers do not go out of their way to look for a fight, they will fight very aggressively when provoked or attacked. Would this be a fair way to describe your style of game?

JZS: I play my game no matter what others think… it works for me… I’m sure I could be meaner and tougher but playing like I do has worked.

BMR: Beer + Frozen Wisconsin Pond = Fun Hockey for Jinelle?

JZS: I don’t really like beer but I love playing outside on the pond.

 BMR:  Whoah, whoah, whoah - you don't like beer?  Interview OVER!  We kid, we kid.  Please don't hurt us. How to beat Team Canada in Vancouver this month? and who else besides Team Canada and Team USA are favorites for Gold in Vancouver?

JZS: All we need to do is play the way we know how… with no regrets and as hard as we can and then, we will beat Canada. Finland and Sweden are also two great teams.

BMR:  Do you ladies constantly tell Team USA Coach Mark Johnson, "we're totally gonna one-up the Miracle On Ice!  You think that was special?  You just wait and see there, dude." ?

JZS: Mark Johnson is a Legion of his own so we won’t touch the 1980 miracle, however we are ready to make a path of our own and maybe have a movie that tells our story when we are all said and done.

 BMR: Your teammate, Angela Ruggeiro, was recently on "The Celebrity Apprentice" with Donald Trump. Naturally, you'll need to do something cooler than that.. what will it be?

JZS: I’m not in it to compete with those who have already come. My goal is to make a name for myself.

 BMR:  And what better way to start making a name for yourself than an appearance on BMR!  Is there anyone in the game that could be a mustache away from being George Parros, glove-dropping fighter and all?

JZS: Not that I know of.

  BMR: You were just being nice with that last answer, admit it.  What's the pre-game ritual? Post-game?

JZS: There is a mixture of football throwing, soccer ball juggling, and anything in between for pre-game followed by ladder drills and warm up stretching, and post game we all cool down, stretch and foam role.

BMR: "If I'm playing EA NHL 10 - I'm playing as ____ team. "

JZS: I don’t know

BMR: I'll answer that last one for you.  You're always the Whalers.

Thank you to Jinelle for answering our questions and obliging the interview!  Best of luck to her and her teammates in Vancouver.  Go America!

Yes folks our semi-regularly semi-weekly chat is back this week! We'll be starting up around 7 PM and watching the Islanders/Predators game but given how horrible the Islanders have been lately and since it is the least exciting matchup we could find tonight we'll be very liberal in talking about and watching other games. And of course the usual discourse on bananas and/or swedish girls will occur. So please join us! 7PM! EST! Be there! Happy times!

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As much as we love hockey here, I think we are all aware that there is a pretty big football game this afternoon. Many people enjoy having a drink or two for the Super Bowl, mostly because the NFL has a one game championship. I guess football players can't handle the grind of a 7 game series like hockey players can. But I understand if you drink too much watching football and can't enjoy the Flyers-Devils game the following day. But really, if you live on the east coast, you are probably going to be snowed in anyways. Put that extra beer to good use.

DRINK

... because in their last game with the Wild, the Flyers got a goal from Daniel Carcillo and the Wild received one from Cal Clutterbuck. Instead of solving problems with their fists, they did it with their wrists.  I think we can all learn something.

... if the name J-Woww is mentioned. Then clean your brain with bleach to scrub away the memory.

... for every minute the game is delayed because the Devil's bus gets stuck. Not because of the snow, but because, you know, Newark.

... for every sweater seen in the crowd that does not feature orange or black. Like this.

Drinking player of the week: Chris Pronger

- It seems like a long time ago since Chris Pronger entered the league as a young defensement with the Whalers. Because it was. It was 17 years ago.

- Pronger may or may not have had an affair while playing in Edmonton, so he got traded to Anaheim where the women are much more chaste.

- Pronger has twice been traded for Joffrey Lupul. It's the most relevent Joffrey Lupul has ever been.

Holy hell, the last story here is from WEDNESDAY? You guys here are suck slackers, geez. No wonder you still live with your moms (who are all classy broads, by the way.)

That's right, JR is back on the blog. Apparently, everyone here at Barry Melrose Rocks has decided to take a nap or have a cuddle party or something, so uncle JR has decided to check in once again.

So I was perusing the Internet the other night and I saw an ad for something called a Fat Head. Apparently, it's not a porn site (like I thought it was), but instead where you buy huge wall stickers of sports stuff. I guess it could be cool, if you're 10 or something. Anyway, this little bit caught my eye:

"Great for party planners, wedding planners, interior designers, decorators, sports enthusiasts, and fans of all ages! "

WHO THE HELL would have a fathead at their wedding? Seriously. But hey, if it means John Tavares can be present should Loser Domi and Kevin and/or Enforcer suffer enough brain damage to get hitched, I guess it could be worth the hundred bucks.

And what's the deal with not having me up there? what, you got room for five different Sidney Crosbys, but no JR time? Apparently you can get custom fatheads made, but having a custom fathead made just sounds ridiculous and pathetic. Plus, I know that at night I'd mistake it for a burglar and try to kick his ass. Then, I'd wake up the next morning and wonder what jackass decided to punch the crap out of my wall. Jerks.  Man, these guys just don't know what class is anymore.

Anyway, I gotta go work on my real blog instead of hanging out with these schmucks. And by the way, tell your mom she makes excellent meatloaf.

Not to beat a dead hockey team when it's down but, well, I guess that is what is about to happen. The Oilers beat the Canes last night! Drunk, ecstatic hooligans flood the streets of Edmonton! Half of Alberta proclaims that they can now die happy!

Well, not really.

But the Oilers did win Monday night, February 1st, for the first time since December 30th! In regulation! By two goals!

And why am I giving this event its own post? Because they beat none other than the Hurricanes who are championed by Dave "I never lose at anything ever unless it happened during the 2009-10 season" McBrayer. Karmas a bitch.

And it's going to suck when I get smacked around by karma for writing this post. Dammit.

And the Hurricanes did beat the Oilers for the Cup a while back. So there's that.

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