For the second time in a row, I wanted to change things up a bit. Sorry if this frightens you. Indeed, this week I wanted to give you a mid-day binge between the past two seasons' Stanley Cup finalists (and champions, obvs). I need to be totally honest with everyone. I am running out of Penguins related rules. They are Versus SO MUCH. They can wear their baby blue onesies, but I know it's them. It's always them. No, this is just a free opportunity to rag on NBC for a little while. Awesome.
DRINK
... if NBC oversimplifies a concept, like offsides quickly after Pierre Maguire tells a story of his time in the league that not even the most ardent of hockey fans understands.
... if Carson Daly turns up alive.
... if Chuck (or any NBC 'superstar') is conveniently at the game. Let me tell you something. Chuck does not live in Pittsburgh.
... the rest of your drink if hockey survives the delicate marketing masterstroke of NBC. NBC, man.
Drinking player of the week: Sergei Gonchar. This weeks fun facts are presented to you NBC style!
- Sergei Gonchar plays on the same team as Sid the Kid! Sidney Crosby!
- Sergei Gonchar plays in the same city as the NFL's Pittsburgh Steelers. Sunday night is Football Night in America!
- Deep down inside, Sergei Gonchar's greatest dream is to be a guest on the Tonight Show, but only if Leno is hosting. Conan O'Brien is a horrible man beast for trying to ruin Sergei's dream.
Enjoy the game, everyone. And no matter how much they insist, you don't actually HAVE to watch Heroes anymore.
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I missed the Versus game of the Week this week. I feel badly about this. I also realized something must be done, lest everyone remain sober for a week. So I thought I would whip up this little number for every day use, or if I should happen to miss a week with the Drinking Game. Bookmark this page, because I will likely miss a game or two. I'm unreliable. At least that's what my last few ex girlfriends say.
Anyways, NHL on the Fly is a staple of the NHL Network. They provide highlights and live game cut ins every night, and is really the essential program for the hockey fan with ADD. Much to my surprise, there are people with the NHL Network that do not get Versus. I feel you all have been woefully neglected. Because of this, I have decided to make double the rules for this! Pick your favorite or play them all for maximum intoxication!
DRINK
... if highlights of a team in an alternate jersey are shown.
... if they catch the local affiliates in a local promo while looking in at a game. Drink 5 times if you seriously consider heading to Buffalo to take advantage of the great deals at Joe's Tire Barn (for example). Also, hopefully the 5 drinks will dissuade you from driving anywhere. Don't drink and drive.
... the rest of your drink if they cut to your local affiliates, then jam a screwdriver up your nose (Phillips head). You should be watching your own game, you inconsiderate punk.
... every time they say "NHL". Just a sip. Pace yourself.
... whenever they cut to Versus. Because that would be ironic.
... whenever they are showing highlights, but you don't realize it for about 10 seconds. Happens to me all the time. No Buccigross here to make you laugh while you enjoy some fancy stick handling.
... If you flip channels, looking for the other game, then realize that you are watching the "other game" already.
... If you hear an announcer you recognize. Holy crap! Is that Kenny Albert?
There you go. A bunch of rules for a a highlight show drinking game if I or Versus are unavailable. Good luck and happy drinking.
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Last week, the Detroit Red Wings got screwed again. A shootout goal was disallowed by the referee standing about .6 inches from the puck and then promptly and inexplicably overturned when the play was reviewed by Toronto. And no conclusive replays have surfaced. And Detroit, kind of like the Brooklyn Brawler, got screwed for the umpteenth time.
As you can imagine, the relationship between the Wings and the League Office is a bit strained after everything that's happened in the past few years. It's starting to be like one of those relationships -- everyone knows them -- where the couple just fights and fights and nobody really understands why they haven't just broken up already. The league office is just, like, so totally tired of the Red Wings being so needy all the time ohmygawd. So, like, um, like, yesterday I had a chance to sit down with NHL Deputy Commish Bill Daly and discuss the latest Detroit Screw Job. Is this like the third this season? Tenth? I like so lost count cause numbers make my head hurt ohmygawd!
BMR: So, Bill... You're like totally cute. *brushes back bangs* And, ohmygawd, you and like the Red Wings are like so totally great together but I can tell somethings so totally wrong. I'm really good with fixing relationships and stuff. So tell me, what's going on?!??1?
Billy: Ugh. *also brushes back bangs* They're like so like needy like awl the timeuhhhhh. Like last week, they just wouldn't leave me alone during math class. Mike Babcock kept passing me notes saying like "im sryz" and "take me back plz" but he's just like so desperate you knowww?
BMR: OMG I SO KNOW WHAT YOU MEANUHHH!
*Both giggle*
Marty Turco is hard to figure out. He was always a fun goalie to watch because he definitely wasn't a form goaltender, but he was always seemingly the source of immeasurable frustration in Dallas. Everyone knows Marty's name, but nobody would name him one of the top 3-5 goalies in the league today, or really at any point so far in his career. He was the back up to Ed Belfour and was controversially given the starting job when he moved on to Toronto. It's tough to figure out Marty Turco's legacy to Dallas or the game of hockey (and we can talk about it, because he's been around for a decade) but it seems to be coming to an end in what is sort of an appropriate manner. On the one hand, he was able to put together a very solid 10 year career in Dallas. On the other hand, he is getting replaced by Alex Auld. Oof. no comments
Versus has done a bad thing. They have taken their game schedule off of their website, or, at the very least, made it difficult for someone who wants to set up a drinking game to find it. Dammit, Versus. Hockey is a Canadian game. The other Canadian games are curling and drinking beer while watching hockey. Do you hate Canada, Versus? I knew it.
Anyways, our game this week will be one that screams "mixed feelings" to the BMR crew. It's a weird thing to scream, by the way. Go run around the street some time screaming "mixed feelings!" and see what happens. Nothing normal, I would imagine. But that's what this game is screaming. On the one hand, you have the Lightning that send this site's overlord (Barry Melrose Rocks is not affiliated with Barry Melrose in any way, shape or form. But we're sure he's a very nice person) packing after a shorter tenure than Conan O'Brien. On the other hand, you have the Rangers. So it's a toss up on who we should be pulling for. When I am faced with a tough decision, I only have one thing to do....
DRINK
...if the words "Barry Melrose" or "rocks" are used. They are totally sending subliminal messages, and it has nothing to do with the fact that Barry Melrose has a history with the Lightning.
... for every different shade of red John Tortorella turns. Also, never mind the fact that he too coached the Lightning. This isn't called "John Tortorella Rocks".
... if Aaron Voros works the power play. Drink until you can't see if he scores.
... if there are injuries when someone tries to say "Szczechura".
Drinking player of the week: Ales Kotalik
- Ales once played with Ales Hemsky in Edmonton. As everyone soon found out, Edmonton wasn't big enough for two Aleses. It's not big enough for two Waynes either, and the town chose Wayne Caruthers, local tax attorney.
- Ales has the lowest plus/minus on the team. Mugging for the goal camera hasn't helped.
... As it turns out, Buffalo was big enough for exactly no Aleses. Buffalo isn't big enough for professional football either though, so that's not so bad.
no commentsWell, the Wikipedia tells me that it's Jeremy Roenick's birthday today, and if that's not an excuse to post him performing "Tricky" I don't know what is:
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So, as you may recall, there was a three-way (bet) between Kevin, Enforcer and I regarding the standings of our respective teams. I thought that maybe it would be a good idea to check on teh standings:
Well, that was a dumb idea. Right now, Enforcer wins (16th pace), followed by Kevin (22) and then me (28th). Looks like I need to work on my video editing skills....
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