Last week, the Detroit Red Wings got screwed again. A shootout goal was disallowed by the referee standing about .6 inches from the puck and then promptly and inexplicably overturned when the play was reviewed by Toronto. And no conclusive replays have surfaced. And Detroit, kind of like the Brooklyn Brawler, got screwed for the umpteenth time.
As you can imagine, the relationship between the Wings and the League Office is a bit strained after everything that's happened in the past few years. It's starting to be like one of those relationships -- everyone knows them -- where the couple just fights and fights and nobody really understands why they haven't just broken up already. The league office is just, like, so totally tired of the Red Wings being so needy all the time ohmygawd. So, like, um, like, yesterday I had a chance to sit down with NHL Deputy Commish Bill Daly and discuss the latest Detroit Screw Job. Is this like the third this season? Tenth? I like so lost count cause numbers make my head hurt ohmygawd!
BMR: So, Bill... You're like totally cute. *brushes back bangs* And, ohmygawd, you and like the Red Wings are like so totally great together but I can tell somethings so totally wrong. I'm really good with fixing relationships and stuff. So tell me, what's going on?!??1?
Billy: Ugh. *also brushes back bangs* They're like so like needy like awl the timeuhhhhh. Like last week, they just wouldn't leave me alone during math class. Mike Babcock kept passing me notes saying like "im sryz" and "take me back plz" but he's just like so desperate you knowww?
Marty Turco is hard to figure out. He was always a fun goalie to watch because he definitely wasn't a form goaltender, but he was always seemingly the source of immeasurable frustration in Dallas. Everyone knows Marty's name, but nobody would name him one of the top 3-5 goalies in the league today, or really at any point so far in his career. He was the back up to Ed Belfour and was controversially given the starting job when he moved on to Toronto. It's tough to figure out Marty Turco's legacy to Dallas or the game of hockey (and we can talk about it, because he's been around for a decade) but it seems to be coming to an end in what is sort of an appropriate manner. On the one hand, he was able to put together a very solid 10 year career in Dallas. On the other hand, he is getting replaced by Alex Auld. Oof.
Versus has done a bad thing. They have taken their game schedule off of their website, or, at the very least, made it difficult for someone who wants to set up a drinking game to find it. Dammit, Versus. Hockey is a Canadian game. The other Canadian games are curling and drinking beer while watching hockey. Do you hate Canada, Versus? I knew it.
Anyways, our game this week will be one that screams "mixed feelings" to the BMR crew. It's a weird thing to scream, by the way. Go run around the street some time screaming "mixed feelings!" and see what happens. Nothing normal, I would imagine. But that's what this game is screaming. On the one hand, you have the Lightning that send this site's overlord (Barry Melrose Rocks is not affiliated with Barry Melrose in any way, shape or form. But we're sure he's a very nice person) packing after a shorter tenure than Conan O'Brien. On the other hand, you have the Rangers. So it's a toss up on who we should be pulling for. When I am faced with a tough decision, I only have one thing to do....
DRINK
...if the words "Barry Melrose" or "rocks" are used. They are totally sending subliminal messages, and it has nothing to do with the fact that Barry Melrose has a history with the Lightning.
... for every different shade of red John Tortorella turns. Also, never mind the fact that he too coached the Lightning. This isn't called "John Tortorella Rocks".
... if Aaron Voros works the power play. Drink until you can't see if he scores.
... if there are injuries when someone tries to say "Szczechura".
Drinking player of the week: Ales Kotalik
- Ales once played with Ales Hemsky in Edmonton. As everyone soon found out, Edmonton wasn't big enough for two Aleses. It's not big enough for two Waynes either, and the town chose Wayne Caruthers, local tax attorney.
- Ales has the lowest plus/minus on the team. Mugging for the goal camera hasn't helped.
... As it turns out, Buffalo was big enough for exactly no Aleses. Buffalo isn't big enough for professional football either though, so that's not so bad.
Well, the Wikipedia tells me that it's Jeremy Roenick's birthday today, and if that's not an excuse to post him performing "Tricky" I don't know what is:
So, as you may recall, there was a three-way (bet) between Kevin, Enforcer and I regarding the standings of our respective teams. I thought that maybe it would be a good idea to check on teh standings:
Well, that was a dumb idea. Right now, Enforcer wins (16th pace), followed by Kevin (22) and then me (28th). Looks like I need to work on my video editing skills....
By now, we've all probably seen the video of Alex Ovechkin and Steve Downie. You know, the one where Matt Bradley flys in out of nowhere to protect his captain like a bodyguard or a girlfriend hell bent on protecting her man.
Downie and Oveckin got into a scrum and each got two minutes for roughing. When they came out of the box, they when right back at it because they didn't seem to like that the refs didn't give them each 5 minutes the first time. Then, Bradley comes flying in out of nowhere (actually it was from a borderline change off the bench, but whatev) to protect his captain. How freaking sweet is that if you're Alex Ovechkin?
"Oh yeah, I was going to fight this guy but Matt's got it. I think I'll go back to flirting with that girl in the third row."
So I've decided that I want my own Matt Bradley. If, for example, I'm out at a bar and some guy starts creepin' up on my girl. MATT BRADLEY. Or what if I'm at the gym playing basketball and some bullies come and push me around? Matt. Damon... Errr... Bradley. What if I'm at the supermarket and some little old lady cuts me off on the way to the express line? Matt. FREAKING. Bradley.
Yes, yes, I know, two straight games of Minnesota Wild drinking games. This is my feature, so you're going to have to deal with it. The Wild are my favorite team, and I actually don't have to work and can watch them on national TV. It's going to be weird, listening to announcers verbally fellate Sidney Crosby instead of talking about how great hockey in Minnesota is. It will be a change of pace. Not necessarily a good change of pace, but definitely different.
This game will feature two of my least favorite alternate sweaters. The Penguins baby blue number is just part of an alarming trend in the 2000s to put baby blue anywhere possible. Why baby blue? Why not green or orange or black? Is it because of North Carolina? With all respect to Dave, screw North Carolina. Oh, and the other alternate is the Wild's red. But Ryan, you say, their regular jersey is red! It didn't used to be though. It was green and awesome before. Their alternate was a flaming red piece of crap. They turned the piece of crap into the main jersey, and now green is the alternate. Hockey uniforms make me angry. Don't even get me started on breezers.
DRINK
...if Greg Zanon blocks a shot. Drink while shouting "Zanon!" to make it even more fun.
... if James Sheppard does anything that makes you think "oh yeah, this guy is a top prospect!" Frankly, you should finish the bottle if that happens. I'm a little bitter
... whenever Kris Letang looks like he knows what's up. Yeah. Kris Letang knows whats up.
... while you contemplate which is more intimidating, an adjective or a flightless Antarctic bird.
Drinking player of the week : Clayton Stoner
- Clayton Stoner has heard all the jokes.
- Clayton grew a faux hawk so the douchey factor would counteract the awesome factor of his last name. Now he can live a normal life.
- Stoner has played eight games with two assists, making him far more effective than Martin Skoula ever was.
I just realized, it's been a whole year since I started writing for BMR. I'd just like to thank Kevin for letting me on board. I know that for the first anniversary, the traditional gift is paper, but since I don't have any addresses, I don't have any way to send gifts to people. If I did, the guys would all get Jeremy Roenick cards. In place of that, I'd like to turn the mic keyboard over to the one and only JR:
'Sup, losers? LD, you get a Bud Light on me. The rest of you can suck eggs. Now I got a busy schedule of playing golf and working on my video blog. Later
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Last week, the Detroit Red Wings got screwed again. 
Bloguin is the revolutionary blog network specifically focused on helping bloggers get the most out of their websites. We're currently working on building a large network of online communities and hope to expand our blogging coverage to include a wide range of topics. 
The Bloguin Network allows advertisers to promote their products and services to our ever-growing number of visitors. We offer both site-specific ad placements as well as the ability to run a network-wide campaign. If you're interested in working with Bloguin to meet your advertising needs, please contact us.
The Bloguin Network is always looking to expand. We're specifically looking for blogs in the sports, entertainment, and video games field, but are open to adding any type of quality site.. If you're a blogger and interested in joining our network, please fill out our application form.
The Bloguin Login gives you full access to everything our network has to offer. Your name and password will work for each and every one of our sites. Signing up is simple, and will allow you to post in all our forums, create member blogs, and access other cool features! What are you waiting for? Create an Account! 