[Anze Kopitar and Drew Doughty sit in cardboard boxes, making engine and laser sounds]

Kopitar: PEW PEW! PEW PEW! More scout troopers coming up behind us!

Doughty: I've got 'em Anze! You go ahead to the shield generator! PEW PEW! PEW!

Kopitar: All right! /engine noises

Doughty: Hey, Anze?

Kopitar: Drew, you're supposed to be dealing with the scouts on our tail!

Doughty: Yeah, but I was thinking. we're both in our 20s, and...

Kopitar: Hey! You're right! And we make millions of dollars....

[Kopitar and Doughty begin climbing out of their boxes]

[door opens, and Dean Lombardi walks in with Mike Richards]

Lombardi: Hey guys, playing Star Wars in your boxes again?

Kopitar: Nope, we're done with that, Mr. Lombardi!

Doughty: Yeah! We're going to go buy motorcycles!

Lombardi: Well, that's nice. This is Mike Richards. He will be playing with you guys this year

Richards: What's up, dudes! I didn't know you ride. That's awesome! You could probably pick up some major tail on a bike. /goes for a fust bump

Doughty: Tail?

Kopitar: We're going to get motorcycles because they make better speeders than these boxes! And we totally can, because we're grown ups!

Lombardi: I thought you were done with Star Wars.

[Douhgty and Kopitar laugh]

Doughty: No! We're just done with the boxes! Hey, Mike, you want to go ride bikes with us?

Richards: Ugh, dudes, you're in LOS F'ING ANGELES! Let's go get some F'ING CLAM! Who's with me?!

[takes off shirt. Leaves]

Kopitar: Mr. Lombardi, do they even have clams in Los Angeles?

Lombardi: Just go with Drew to get your motorcycles.

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So I have taken over the site from Schultz, and I went a week without posting. It's just like Schultz never left!

Recently, the Anaheim Ducks had a question and answer session with young forward Brandon McMillan. I am not Brandon McMillan, but I LOVE answering questions, so, instead, I will be answering the same questions Mr. McMillan was asked for Tuesday's piece. 

How has the offseason treated you?
There is no offseason in hockey blogging! Sure, there are some dormant weeks, but no offseason!

Were you at all surprised to end up playing 60 games with the Ducks as a rookie in 2010-11?
I did what now? I guess that might explain why Randy Carlyle keeps calling me....

What is the difference for you between this offseason and last offseason?
Well, last offseason, I blogged intermittently as a contributor to this site. THIS offseason I am doing so as the editor. So that's different. Also, I was in better shape last summer.

What position do you feel most comfortable on the ice?
Supine. Definitely supine.

How did you tweak your game to become more versatile?
Usually, I'm at my best when I am fairly passive, but welcome to conversation. Lately though, I have been a little bit more aggrasssive, just going right up to girls and talking to them, with favorible results! Truly, my game has never been more versatile.

Where were you when you were drafted by the Ducks in 2008 (third round, 85th overall), and what was that experience like?
Traumatic.

What was it like to play during last year’s postseason run?
I don't know, you would have to ask someone like Anaheim's young forward Brandon McMillan. Wait, you did what now?

Is there anything that you think stood out from the playoff loss to Nashville?
That Anaheim lost to freaking Nashville. Seriously, name two players for the Preds not named Shea Weber. Steve Sullivan doesn't count! Haha, Duck fail.

Have you been able to follow the Ducks’ offseason moves and what are your thoughts?
The only Anaheim player I follow is George Parros. What a man.

How much of an opportunity did you have to get advice from veterans on the club last season?
Well, not much. I mean, Selanne keeps texting me, but mostly to invite me to the sauna in Tampere. It's really unsettling, especially his insistence that it is a nude sauna. I don't know if that qualifies as advice.

What guys on the team were you close with last year?
I think I was close to both Schultz and Loser in the past year. Smart kids, those two, and I really feel as though I have gained something from both of them.

You currently wear No. 64 for the Ducks. Is there any special meaning of that number for you?
I know that MGD 64 has 64 calories. So it makes me think of drinking like a pussy, I guess.

What is your current training regimen?
I do some pushups, some times, situps, stuff like that. Usually I'm too busy downing rum to train for anything. This might explain why I forgot I played so many games for the Ducks last year.

How much are you itching to get back into game action and be done with the offseason?
I am definitely ready. The world needs more drinking games, and drinking games need their hockey games. I am so ready for drinking with purpose, rather than just drinkin.

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After the Canadian family attempted to invade northeastern Minnesota as retaliation for their arrest in the town of Lutsen, Minnesota authorities battled back, following them into Canada, to ensure the scourge of the Staals would never be felt again.

The Minnesotan incursion was swift and brutal, leaving no survivors among the Staals. Family members have assembled these touching tributes to the fallen Staals in the Ontario countryside, as captured on NHL.com.

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Hello everyone! I am Boston Bruins Carolina Hurricanes defensemen Tomas Kaberle.  I know that there are some weird photos of my day with the Stanley cup.  Allow me to walk you through my day in my hometown in Czech Republic.
 
 

I drive in a Cadillac because I am known as “Kabby”, so “Kabby in a Caddy” was pretty funny to us the Bruins when we won the cup. Imagine how surprised I was when a few days after Game seven, David Krejci went and bought this huge orange land yacht! What a dumbass—he knows what happens after he has too many Amstel Lights.  But hey, we just won the Cup, we all felt like we were on top of the world, so whatever.
 
 

Did you know that if you win the Stanley Cup, and you’re in Czech Republic, you can park in the handicap spaces with no penalty?  It’s true.  But if they ask for ID, and you respond “How’s about my I DEEEEZ NUTS” while grabbing your genitals, they don’t like it.  That’s why David Krejci is not in most of these pictures.  I asked him how it went, and he said that he would rather not talk about it.

I was so thankful and happy to bring the Stanley cup to my home country.  Finally, my brother Frantisek can stop with his lame “Two Kabs One Cup” joke. Now I can comfort him by reminding him that at least I don’t look like PeeWee Herman.  I have so many people offering to buy me drinks, I can hardly stand straight.
 

I know a lot of people on the internet are confused by this picture.  See, pigs are very important to Czech people.   They are a crucial part of our culture and cuisine.  As a result, we have all sorts of things about pigs—songs, stories, and even cartoons.  The “Hello Piggy” is like Japan’s “hello Kitty”, except “Hello Piggy” is way better.  I mean, the idea of a mute cat as a cartoon hero is just stupid.  As to the guys in pink Capri overalls and keytars, that is a bit darker.  I must be honest— this town is just barely getting finished with the 80s.  When I wore my best Affliction shirt, I looked like a time traveler from the far-off year of 2006. Then there is the sword and shield.  I think their thinking was since I am already a defender in the NHL, I can defend against other stuff, like Slovaks.  Seriously, Slovaks are dickbags.

Now, I hear that Zdeno Chara is renting a castle for his day.  I hope he has plenty of babies to serve. I know that Slovaks can eat twice their weight in babies and small toddlers, so hide your children.  I hope you enjoyed my look into my day of Stanley Cup fun!

 

P.S.:

Suck it, Bryan McCabe.

All photos are pulled from http://isport.blesk.cz/galerie/hokej-nhl/91778/. Please don't suue me, Czech people.  

 

Glove tap to @reasonabledoubt for spiritual guidance.

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Ever since the lockout, nobody likes me. I have that mess in Phoenix. Don't even get me started on shootouts. But now look at me. I have a team back in Winnipeg, which is pretty good. And the NHL is going to be the only game in town this winter! The NBA is a disaster, and probably won't be back all season. The NFL is locked out too! Just think of all the TV time we will get then! The only pro sport in America! I bet the people of Phoenix will FLOCK to Glendale to watch the Coyotes!

Yes indeedy. Without the NFL, Gary Bettman is going to be AOK

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Let me preface this entire post by saying, that because the NHL has well established teams that paid a lot of money for the reight to play in the league. There is no way relegation would actually work in the NHL (or in any professional sport in the United States).

If I have already lost you, this is what relegation is: it is a system used most notably in European soccer that punishes teams that finish at the bottom of their respective divisions or leagues by sending them to lower levels. Let's say it worked like the English Premier League in the NHL. This would mean the bottom three teams in the NHL would be sent to the AHL, while the top three teams in the AHL would be promoted to the NHL. If it was strictly like this, Colorado, Edmonton and Florida would be playing in the NHL this year, while Wilkes-Barre, Portland and Milwaukee would be playing in the NHL.

Obviously, this wouldn't quite work. To initiate something like this, you would probably instead need to contract the NHL, just so, in those first couple of seasons, large market, "former" NHL teams would return to the NHL until relegation had it's footing. Besides, if you are basically relegating based on points, it makes better sense to lump all teams into the same division and have everyone play each other the same number of times. I would propose, in order to keep things about the same as they are now, in terms of games played, anyways, I would propose a 22 team NHL, playing every other team 4 times, creating an 84 game regular season, two more than what is seen now. At 22 teams, the new members of the AHL would be New Jersey, Columbus, Winnipeg, Ottawa, the Islanders and the aforementioned Panthers, Avalanche and Oilers. Instead of Wilkes-Barre and Portland finding their way into the NHL, you would likely see Columbus and the Islanders turning it around next year.

Minor leagues would likely reflect what they do over in Europe, wiht a "loan" structure, where a team like Wilkes-Barre, for example, can be stocked with Penguin prospects, thought Wilkes-Barre had better have a few of their own players, just in case they got promoted. (In the EPL, loaned players simply can't play against their parent teams, otherwise they are free to play in any game for the team they are loaned to. I allows for playing time for youngsters in a competetive environment)

A benefit, as I see it, of this plan is a gradual move from the south to northern teams. As teams like Florida fall off, they would almost always be replaced by teams from, say, Hamilton or another from Toronto (the Marlies in the NHL!). Phoenix or Atlanta would be perfect minor league hockey markets, which is probably where they would eventually stay without the proper funding or fan support.

Cities that want hockey teams would do well in an environemnt with relegation as well. It would be much easier to expand, say, the Federal League, with the expectation that some of the new teams would be trying to work their way up the food chain. Teams would join lower levels with the intention of finding their footing, finding their market trying to eventually get to the NHL. Every team, every market for hockey could dream of someday winning the Stanley Cup. Places like Phoenix would some day be able to play in a much lower division, in which they could still use the arena, but not have to worry about paying Ed Jovanovski several million dollars.

There are many other advantages, not the least of which would be a better quality hockey in the NHL. I will stop here though, because I want to leave it open for discussion here. What do you think? Questions on logistics? Ideas to make it better? I know Schultz will hate it, because it would mean the Islanders would e playing AHL hockeyfor at least one season. 

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The winnipeg Jets rekeased their new logo the other day. I think, as it regards the Jets franchise, it is rather telling. What does it tell us?

- The Maple Leaf tells us that A) they don't seem to fully grasp botany, and B) they plan to be just as successful as that team from Toronto

- They have access to clip art.

- They did not pay attention to my suggestions.

- They followed the recent "make a bland design and put it in a circle" formula, meaning they are team players

- Much like the city of Winnipeg, they made sure their logo was just as boring as possible.

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Now this, this is a goal. Wild prospect Sam Lofquist impressed at the Wild development camp. Since the Wild is staunchly against goal scoring, this is the last you will hear of him. no comments

I think since everyone wanted the Thrashers to reclaime the old Jets name, there is some latent nostalgia and almost everyone wants the old Jets logo back. I don't know this for sure, but I assume. That said, I don't think the old Jets logo comes back. Maybe the colors, but probably not the actual logo. It's a little outdated, and I am sure there are some sort of legal issues. So, anyways, I think that we should try to find some log ideas for the Jets that evoke the "Jets" mentality and use the red white and blue colors. Be sure to change any text in these logos to "Winnipeg" or "Jets"

First, a review. This is the old logo:

All right, here are my ideas:

It preserves the blue and red, and is sort of a sweeping, pleasant logo. Also, if you look closely, it kind of looks like a w and that first red swoosh kind of looks like a J. It's creative!

I like this one. It's bold, with the arrow pointing upwards, just like the Jets' future. Still keeps the red and blue, and sort of looks like an epaulette. Regal!

 

I feel like this one would help with the French speaking Canadians and make the Jets a national team. I don't know why. But this logo is kind of weird. Yes, that's why a French speaker would like it. Because it's weird.

We'll change the AA to a W M for Winnipeg Manitoba. Awesome, right? And with all those people thinking they should have been the Falcons, there is a shoutout for you in there too, with that bird that is probably an eagle, but nobody can tell the diference anyways!

 

Which is your favorite?

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Just a few quick housekeeping notes. As the press conference earlier this week may have led you to believe, Kevin Schultz has decided to take a step back from blogging, and as a result, I am the new editor of the site. As such, please direct all tips, comments and suggestions to me. My e-mail (and Twitter handle) are now available for your enjoyment on the sidebar over yonder. Criticisms can still be sent to Schultz.

 I am kidding, of course.

Anyways, I just wanted to make that little statement. I'll be back to writing real hockey related posts right now. Keep in touch!

- Ryan

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