Recent reports have surprisingly shown that Canada's TV ratings for the Stanley Cup Finals are down for the 2nd year in a row. WTF, Canada? I thought you live/breathe/die by the puck!
Unsure of why this is; I thought I'd consult some of my co-writers on BMR. Loser Domi is an American who went to school in Quebec, but that doesn't really count because they think its a separate country from Canada. Schultz is a New Yorker who is probably too drunk amidst the Tavares celebration to respond to anything coherently. I'm a North Carolinian, so with me it's the furthest thing from knowing what it's like being a Canadian. Ryan is the closest seeing as he lives in Minnesota (didn't Canada try to annex the state of Minnesota one time? Wait no, that was Texas/Mexico) but his sorry ass is in Iceland or somewhere unreachable at the moment.
So without any scientific results to inform us as to why Canadians don't give a crap about the Stanley Cup Finals anymore - I present to you:
McBrayer's Wild Ass Guesses as to what Canada is doing other than watching hockey:
1. Too busy following twitter reports from Phoenix courtrooms. So, the Yotes might become the seventh Canadian franchise, eh? Great, now you'll all have another team to witness as they fail miserably and continue Canada's Cup Drought.
2. Too busy making fun of Americans:
3. Too busy following the Toronto Blue Jays. The BJs are actually having a decent season and were leading the ultra-tough AL East over the Yanks and Red Sox for awhile. Naahh, there's no way they're too busy watching baseball over hockey.
4. Too busy watching the Canadian Football League, where NFL players go to die. Does that shit still actually exist?
5. Too busy hanging out at strip clubs? No, the only people with that excuse are probably my boys at FHF.
6. Too busy getting attacked by Canadian Geese to sit in front of the TV for too long (are they just called geese up there?):
As I write this, the Stanley Cup has yet to be awarded (If the Wings win it tonight, I beat all the boys!) Here are some quick thoughts that I have had while watching the series:
1) Marc-Andre Fleury looks like he could be one of the Three Musketeers. He should have a poofy lace collar, a big hat and a sword. I imagine Talbot and Crosby could be his other two Musketeers, but I could be wrong. I do know that this sounds like a great photoshop if done well.
2) Kris Letang is the worst fighter ever. I forget which Red Wing it was in Game five, but remember when Letang grabbed him on the jaw? That was weak, LeTang . Your grandmom pinching your cheeks at Thanksgiving has a better grip than you, LeFlavorAid. Maybe you should take lessons from Alex Semin. You’d still be a terrible fighter, LeStoreBrandOrangeDrink, but at least then it would be really funny to watch.
3) I watched an interview Henrik Zetterberg did on ice, and while he was trying to speak over the crowd, I thought, “I kind of want to hear him say either ‘This is Sparta! or ‘I am Beowulf!’, because unlike everyone else who tries to impersonate those lines, Zetterberg could do a good job of it.
4) Evgeni Malkin needs to go on tour with his lost family, The Jonas Brothers. He can play tambourine or something and sing the song that’s sweeping Pittsburgh, “Here we go Pen-guins, here we go *clap* clap*”. I’d buy a ticket for that, especially in about Week 3 when Evgeni loses it and punches one of them.
5) You might notice a slight bias towards the Penguins in my writing about the series, which is for two reasons: 1) they’re really fun to write and 2) I have a hard time telling the Wings players apart. Unless I get a clear view of name and/or number, they’re all just beard and Wings jersey to me.
6)Chris Osgood has almost no neck. This concerns me for some reason. He also has a tiny head.no comments
Now, this is going to come across as a sweeping generalization because, well, that's what it is but I speak from experience. At the Art Institute of Pittsburgh they've taken notice that the Penguins are, in fact, involved in a very significant hockey competition. It's so significant that the locals have taken to decorating their mascot. Rex, as he is affectionately called, is pictured below donning a Penguins jersey/t-shirt/something (Do they come in size T-Rex?).
And -- I think I can say this thanks to the many hours I spent sort of amassing a minor in photography -- when the art students take notice that sports exist you know something important must be going on. But of course I don't need to tell you that because if you're reading a hockey blog, well, you already knew. These folks? Well, these folks are hip, with it, too cool and probably were scarred by athletic experiences earlier in childhood.
Oh and 'Rex' has a blog. Of course. When statues have blogs you know we've almost reached critical mass.
From the Twitter of GimmeAPuck, this image of Bill Guerin pretty much sums up how Game 5 went for the Penguins de Pittsburgh.
Now what could be so surprising to Mr. Guerin? Here are a few possibilities:
1) Mario Lemiuex played a practical joke by calling down to the bench and telling Guerin that he's been traded back to the Islanders.
2) The 62-year old woman from Lansing sitting in the front row just flashed everyone.
3) Iceburgh just hung himself from the rafters after the Wings went up 5-0.
4) Some one in the stands across from the bench is eating some sweet ass baby back ribs.
5) The penalty box attendant just tazed one of the official scorers because he was bored and it would be really funny.
6) A crazed Wings fan in section 202 kidnapped Guerin's Lord of the Rings boxed set and is about to set it on fire.
In about 5 hours, I'm getting on a plane to Sweden. I wonder if I'll be able to get any news on Henrik Zetterberg over there. Do they even have hockey in Sweden?
The NHL and NBC have announced that they will continue their partnership for two more years. The best part of this strategy is that the news was broken by Bruce Dowbiggin of the Globe and Mail. I can't imagine the things I could do with a name like Dowbiggin. But I digress. One of the best things they could do is try incorporate hockey personalities into NBC progreamming. Here are a few ideas.
Gary Bettman on The Office
"I really do think we can have a viable branch in Phoenix!"
/Jim Halpert gives a "can you believe this guy?" look to the camera
Jeremy Roenick on I'm a Celebrity.... Get Me Out of Here
"I'm bored. I'm going to kick Stephen Baldwin's ass"
Jiri Tlusty on Law and Order, SVU
"And who took the naked pictures of you, Mr. Tlusty?"
"Uh... I did"
Garth Snow on The Biggest Loser
"I think there is some sort of mistake. I don't need to lose weight."
Peter Forsberg on Heroes
"I have the special ability to turn my legs to jelly and fall down if anyone gets near me!"
More ideas in the comments
***Welcome to the Pittsburgh Denny’s Chat Room ! ***
Staalboy_11:Why do we hang out at Denny’s so much? Denny’s is a craptastic restaurant!
Sidney_not_Kidney: It’s cheap, nobody expects us in a Denny’s, and Geno seems to like it here.
Fleury_Avec_Sprinkles: Ever since he read that stupid story on the Internet, he’s been nuts for Denny’s!
Last week the Colorado Avalanche tried unsuccessfully to recruit Patrick Roy as their head coach. The funny thing was that Tony Granato was still, you know, the actual head coach and wasn't kicked out. Of course, Granato probably realized that as soon as he picked up a paper... Wait this is 2009. Let me try that again.
Of course, Granato probably realized that as soon as he went anywhere on the internet. ESPN was even reporting the news so TV viewers found out about it as well. So the whole situation was probably a bit awkward.
Pierre Lacroix (on phone): Ah, Patrick, hold on I have another call.
Tony Granato: Hello?
PL: Yes, Tony what is it?
TG: Um, what's all this stuff about you guys trying to hire Roy to replace me?
PL: I don't know what you're talking about. You're our coach.