All of this is [sic] as I am very drunj.
Hate both teams, but thus night is fucking magiacal. I love hockey. if only for this moment. Tim Thomas is magic and cheesburgers. My dog is all excited about thuis, but has no idea why. This is the last night of hockey until like September r some shit. Look like i need to make up some stuff. God, I'm thirsty. Booing Gary Bettman NEVER GETS OLD. for real. real talk. Zdeno Cahra is tall!!! I never knew that! Sedin twins can continue being creepy and play jenga or whatever Ryan makes them do. Chara does not know english. Mark Recchi's fucking old and is no doctor. what a douche. Shit amn, what am I gonna do for the next 3 or 4 months?
Oh hey you guys! Thanks for comin' to my hockey game! It means so super much to me! I really worked hard to get ready and play a good game and make the guacamole. It's in the visitors locker, second tunnel on the left.
Say, do you like my beard?
I really hope we showed the Canucks a good time. Canadians are so super nice! I just can't get over their darlin' accents! Mercy me! well, they've invited us all over to their place for a game on Wednesday, can you believe that! Such hospitality!
Oh my stars, look at that. It is Wednesday! I invited you here, so I don't want to kick y'all out, but I better get goin'! Toodle-oo!
no commentsBullet points for all you busy folks!
- Washed away in the flooding
- Sedins slowly sucking out my will to live
- Aaron Rome (who?) elbowed me in the face. But hey, there were no lewd motions or comments, so, NHL discipline says we’re all cool.
- The Mighty Zedno ate my babies.
- Too many 40 ounces in my lap, freezin’ my junk.
- Tim Thomas made me go on a cheeseburger run. Central Vermont is now OUT OF CHEESEBURGERS. Thanks a lot, Timmy Thomas.
- Month-long pubcrawl with Patrick Kane. I have no idea what country I am in, but these keyboards are so messed up.
- Helping Martin St. Louis return the Ring to rule them all.
- Tracking down Schultz’s whereabouts.
- Trying to train my dogs to play hockey. So far, they just chew on the sticks. Besides, this dog is clearing trying to trip the kid. DIRTY PLAYING DOG.
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We have enjoyed our time at Ryan Henning, the one you call "Enforcer"'s place, having regular Jenga competitions on his wobbly coffee table. Unfortunately, we have focused too much on Jenga and not enough on hockey. Fortunately, Rafphael Torres was practicing. Good thing. We haven't uploaded a video here yet, so bear with us.
Oops, home video. Here is the goal:
Well, I guess we will go let Ryan Henning, the one you call "Enforcer" out of his trunk. The Bearnaise coma may take some time to wear off. no commentsSILLY SEDINS.
MIGHTY ZDENO EAT YOU LIKE TIMMY THOMAS EAT CHEESEBURGERS. 
SEE? THIS IS MARTIN ST. LOUIS. HE IS APPETIZER. HE IS LIKE SLIDER TO CHHEESBURGERS. HE TASTE LIKE GRAVY AND CHEESE CURDS. MMMMMMMM. MIGHTY ZDENO'S MOUTH IS WATERING AT THE THOUGHT. 
SEE THAT BEARD? THAT IS BEARD OF MIGHTY MAN! NOT FREAKY SPILLED SPAGHETTI SAUCE BEARD OF SWEDISH TWINS. IS LIKE MIGHTY LUMBERJACK.
EVEN DON CHERRY IS TINY APPETIZER, AND HE IS ALL MAN.
MIGHTY ZDENO IS COMING FOR YOU.
Hi! Look at how whimsical we are! Your internet website writer Ryan Henning, the one you call "Enforcer" often portrays us as unusual or "creepy". We have locked him in the trunk of his own car with an IV of bearnaise in order to have access to his computer so we can tell you how normal we are, and perhaps you can cheer for us in the Stanley Cup finals. Or don't, if you are Finnish.
So, what is up? We have been going through Ryan Henning, the one you call "Enforcer"'s things. Can you believe he has a freezer full of steak? How bizarre is that? Not a single raw halibut to be found! And he calls us strange. We have tried to meet his neighbors, but didn't want to impose ourselves upon them. We stood silently staring in front of his garage for hours at a time, and still nobody would come talk to us. We know people saw us, because they pointed at us as they walked past. Incredibly rude. Probably Finns.
As a sign of goodwill, in the hopes that you will be fans of ourselves for our series with the Boston Bruins, we will have our friend and Jenga foe Zdeno Chara post tomorrow. See how delightful we can be? Not at all creepy! Now, if you'll excuse us, we have to go make sure Ryan Henning, the one you call "Enforcer" is still doing OK. Daniel had to lick his stomach until he stirred last time.
no commentsI swear, I am in the process of making a post. Ryan is not the only one who writes here. But until I get that finished:
Screw Boston.
Screw Vancouver.
GO METEOR.
That is all.
This is it. We have finally reached the end of the hockey season, and will get to see Boston square off against Vancouver. This is good for me, on a personal level, becuase it will certainly give us plenty to talk about during the post season. One of my favorite memes of the hockey season has been the Creepy Sedins. I haven't got a lot of leverage out of big doofus Zdeno Chara, but I'm sure I can. And nobody likes Bostoniansm so I'm sure I can get a lot of mileage out of that. But really, the more Creepy Sedins and brutish Zdeno Chara, the better.
Excuse me, someone is at the door.
Greetings. We have arrived to have a word with Ryan Henning, the one you call "Enforcer". As is our traditional greeting, Henrik attemped to insert a finger in his nostril. Ryan Henning, the one you call "Enforcer, attempted to swat away his hand. A man this disrespectful cannot be trusted, so Danie subdued him with a well timed squeeze of the testicles, thenl tied him up and threw him in the trunk of his car. Unfortunately for him, he does not drive a Volvo.
We see from the intended title of this internet post, this was supposed to be something about a drinking game. Drinking is not a game, unless you are EFTERBLIVEN, like the Finns. There will be no such post. The only game we will speak of is Jenga. Zdeno Chara, opponent of Jenga is also apparently competing in the same hockey series as us. Since we have possession of Ryan Henning, the one you call "Enforcer"'s house for the time being, we will be hosting Jenga parties almost nightly until we run out of Jenga pieces.
Since this internet website, BarryMelroseRocks.com has said many unfriendly things about us, we will use it to spread positive messages about ourselves, despite the lack of an umlaut on Ryan Henning, the one you call "Enforcer"'s keyboard.
And don't worry about Ryan Henning, the one you call "Enforcer". He is being fead a steady IV of bearnaise until we let him out
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Announcer: Welcome to the Creepy Sedin Show! In this episode, the Sedins look at potential Stanley Cup finals opponent the Boston Bruins! Now, here they are.... the Sedins!
/Applause
/Henrik and Daniel spend the next 45 seconds fluffing their couch cushions
/They sit
/They get up and resume fluffing the couch cushions
Announcer: Oh come on.... Whether they like it or not, here come Zdeno Chara
/Applause
/Sedins stop fluffing. Stare at Chara
/Chara stares
/Sedins stare
/Chara stares
/everyone stares
/still staring
/stiiiiiiiil staring
/staring
/staring
Henrik: Would you like to play Jenga?
/produces fully assembled Jenga tower from his pants
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Announcer: WElcome to the Creepy Sedin Show! In this episode, the Sedins look at potential Stanley Cup finals opponent the Tampa Bay Lightning! Now, here they are.... the Sedins!
/Applause
/Sedins sit and stare ominously
Henrik: We have a guest
Announcer: Please welcome, from the Tampa Bay Lightning... Martin St. Louis!
/Applause
/Martin St. Louis waves to the crowd. Arrives on stage, confused, as Sedins are faceing away from the crowd. He grabs an empty chair.
/Silence
/Sedins slowly spin around.
Daniel: Martin St. Louis. Your name makes us laugh, because it is spelled the same as
St. Louis: Yes, yes, as the city in Missouri
Henrik: The what? St. Louis is a city in Missouri? What is Missouri?
Daniel: I don't think I have heard of it
St.Louis: That's where the Blues play... I'm sure you have heard of it. I'm sure you've both been there, in fact.
Henrik: I remember the Blues. They wore blue. The Blues play in Missouri?
St. Louis: Yes, in St. Louis.
Daniel: Don't play games with us. You said they play in Missouri, then you said they play in St. Louis. Which is it?
St. Louis: Uh.. both. St. Louis is in Missouri.
/Sedins stare at St. Louis wordlessly for 14 minutes.
Daniel: As I was saying. Your name makes us laugh, because it is the same as our favorite television show.
St.Louis: Your favorite show is... Martin?
Henrik: Hahahahahahahahahahaahahhaahahah Hilarious! What is up? What is up?!
St. Louis: I... am not familiar with Martin Lawrence's works...
Daniel: HIS NAME IS MARTIN PAYNE!
/Silence
St. Louis: So anyways, I'm hear to talk about the potential match between our teams. Your Canucks, my Tampa Bay Lightning
Henrik: Tampar
St. Louis: Sorry
Henrik: It's pronounced Tampar.
St. Louis: No, I'm pretty sure it's Tampa...
Daniel: Henrik is right. Portuguese for "to cover or cork" is Tampar.
St. Louis: But I'm saying... wait, you speak Portuguese?
Henrik: We are multilingual. We speak Swedish, English, Portuguese, Tagalog and Peregrine.
St. Louis: Peregrine? I'm not sure I'm familiar with that one...
/Daniel and Henrik shriek like Peregrine falcons
/They don't stop
/they try to continue the interview in this manner
St Louis: I'm... just going to go
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