Selecting a team to root for for the rest of the playoffs

Written by Ryan Henning on .

IF you need help catching up, ofr the first time ever, all three teams important to Barry Melrose Rocks made it to the post season. Of course all three busted out in the first round. The Wild went out meekly against the Blackhawks. Schultz's Islanders at least put up a fight against the Penguins. As for the Maple Leafs... well, we won't talk about the Maple Leafs. 

We've all seen our teams lose and we are coping, ready to move on. But who do we throw our support behind? This are definitely not teams to bet on given our previous track record (but if you want to bet on it, might I recommend sports betting at www.TopBettingReviews,com?) but these are teams that you could throw your support behind and still feel good about it.  Fofllow along after the jump as we count down to the teams that are less villainous. At least, they are in my eyes. 

 

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Hockey Suits.

Written by Loser Domi on .

Hockey players in suits, set to "It's Raining Men."  You're welcome, internet. 

 

 

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Jimmy Fallon is a hockey novice, also really sensitive

Written by Ryan Henning on .

Thank goodness With Leather held onto this screen capture so there is still evidence Jimmy Fallon did a bit last night on the NHL. Why would he get rid of it? Because it was the most awful abuse of NHL names I have ever seen. The riing star of NBC obviously doesn't pay attention to one of their biggest sports packages. That's spectacular work.

Unfortunately, people made fun of this and NBC keeps taking down the clip, so I can't show it to you anymore. If you are going to be a famous television personality or top 4 5 6 network, you need a thicker skin.

And yes, making fun of someone else DOES make me feel better about the Wild crapping out of the playoffs. 

 

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Well, that was fun.

Written by Loser Domi on .

 

 

This was the first year the Barry Melrose Rocks teams all got into the playoffs.  The Wild were eliminated, then the Islanders, and now, finally, the Leafs.  All of them were first round exists, which was fun while it lasted. I don’t know about the Wild and the Islanders, but this was about the time for the Leafs’ annual “forget how to pay hockey and have the wheels fly off” tradition. However, the Leafs were an OK team that played the hell out of a really good team AND made it to an overtime game 7, which is way better than I thought they would be.

Anyway, I have a special message for Boston:

 

Go leafs go, forever. 

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Twitter Jail!

Written by Ryan Henning on .

Somehow, my personal account @victoriawxrhino has been suspended. Dammit Bettman!

 

Anyways, #FreeRhino

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Journalism!

Written by Ryan Henning on .

Wow, Ottawa Sun. What a bunch of assholes.

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Postseason realization comes over the BMR staff

Written by Ryan Henning on .

Real twitter exchange betwixt myself, Loser Domi and Kevin Schultz from last night: 

 

And then this

It went on

So give us some time if we don't quite figure out this "playoff hockey" thing for a little while. Up until this point, BMR writers were a perfect storm of depressing malaise. Now that our minimum expectations have been exceeded, we now all feel a euphoria that is more pathetic than joyous. 

8th seed! Amazing!

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Play-offs?

Written by Loser Domi on .

OK, so let me get this straight: after the regular season is over, some teams get to play each other a bunch of time,like a home and home? And they just go back and forth? And if your team loses, you go home? Dang...playoffs is scary. 

 

You'lll have to forgive us here at Barry Melrose Rocks.  See, since the first year we all started blogging here, this is the first time that we've all had teams in the playoffs.  I always blamed a bit of myself for the Leafs lack of success, but I have no idea whta Schultz and Ryan are doing.  I guess I'll have to come up with some smack talk for the whole tournament... (In no particular order)

 

PITTSBURGH: None of your guys can grow a playoff beard.  I'm pretty sure Sidney Crosby sparkles in the sun, which I guess makes Geno Malkin Jacob and...this got a whole lot more awkward. 

NEW YORK ISLANDERS: John Tavares looks like he has a really hairy back.  Also, Kyle Okposo is the only Nigerian Ginger in existence, so he's a DAYWALKER.  

MONTREAL: Maudite calisse du cul. Le petite Gionta, va te faire cuire un oeuf! 

OTTAWA:  Last time I was in Ottawa, I got drunk enough that as I was vomiting, I seriously asked myself, "what did I eat that was purple?"  And that's all I have to say about that. 

WASHINGTON: AKA Alex Ovechkin and a bunch of other dudes. 

NEW YORK RANGERS: Henrik Lundqvist remains pretty.  That is all. 

BOSTON: Your city smells like sea waste and despair. Tim Horton's coffee may be swill, but I'm not a coffee drinker. Besides, Tim Horton's donuts >>>>>>>>Dunkin Donuts. You know it. 

CHICAGO: Patrick Kane is still short, which makes it easy for him to drink anyone under the table, as he resides there. Also, Duncan Keith is kind of  a jerk

MINNESOTA: Well, Ryan should be happy about this.  So good for him. 

ANAHEIM: Who cares? 

DETROIT: The average age on the Red Wings is 62.72 years old.  I just thought you should know that. 

VANCOUVER: Creepy Sedins are creepy. 

SAN JOSE: Joe Thornton and a bunch of guys try to go beyond first round.  Let's see what happens. 

ST. LOUIS: Long cup drought, bitter fans with gallows humor, lots of booze?  Hell, the Blues fans I know  are almost Leafs West.  Almost. 

L.A.: They WHAT last season? Huh. That's  cool. I got nothing.  I don't even know who plays for them anymore.  They're like NHL Slenderman--non-descript and faceless  If you see them, you'll probably die. 

 

 

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Alternate Headline: Basketball dismayed to find they are not visiting large endemic felines

Written by Ryan Henning on .

Via the Panthers.

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Duncan Keith doesn't think I can blog :(

Written by Ryan Henning on .

Duncan Keith, aka the Keith of Thrones was interviewed by Karen Thompson of a radio station in Vancouver last night. Here it is, in it's entirety via the Chicago Tribune:

Thomson: “Can you talk about what happened after the Daniel Sedin goal?” 

Keith: “Which one was that one?

Thomson: “The third goal.”

Keith: “The third one? Well, we scored one goal after that I think and the 
game ended 3-1.” 

Thomson: “Right after the goal when you were on the ice with Daniel. Right after he scored. You remember?”

Keith: “I went off the ice and took a minus. I don’t know. What are you talking about?” 

Thomson: “Nothing. Just checking.”

Keith: “What did you see?”

Thomson: “It looked like maybe there was a penalty that went undetected. You seemed a bit frustrated.” 

Keith: “Oh, no. I don’t think there was anything. I think he scored a nice goal. The ref was right there. That’s what the ref saw. We should get you as a ref maybe, eh?” 

Thomson: “Yeah, maybe.”

Keith: The first female … ” 

Thomson: “I can’t skate, though.” 

Keith: “The first female referee. You can’t play probably either, right?  But you're thinking the game like you know it? Okay, see ya.”

Oh. Well,then. Let me make the leap.I can't skate (oversized head), and I definitely can't play. Does that mean I should no longer "think the game"? That's a bummer.Sorry Duncan Keith.

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