BMR March Madness Returns!

Written by Kevin Schultz on Mar 16, 2009 14:54.

Ah yes, it's that time of year again. The time when everyone in America turns to college basketball. It's also a time to get back in touch with your local bookie and gambling addiction that has been in hibernation since the Super Bowl ended.

Of course there's no actual wagering going on here, but that doesn't mean we can't make picks. Bragging rights are on the line along with a guest post (or something else if you can think of a better yet still cost efficient prize) in our 2nd Annual Pick 'Em Game Tournament Contest. No knowledge of basketball and/or college are required.

To signup, go to the following URL, click"join group"and enter the following information:

http://tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com/t1/register/joingroup

league id#: 118118

password: mullets

That's it. You'll have to sign up for a Yahoo account if you don't already have one, but chances are most of you already do.

To make sure this post is not a complete waste of space, here is quite possibly the worst old wasp high five imaginable.

Handy Guide for Beginners: The New BMR

Written by Kevin Schultz on Mar 16, 2009 12:57.

Welcome to the new and improved BMR!

We'll call this version 3.0, since I can't remember what version the old one was. We're all moved over from the old p.o.s. Blogger account (except Ryan who we locked in the bathroom) and it's going to take a little getting used to for us as well as you. This post is here to ease the inevitable tension and fear that comes with change. Hopefully it will not be too traumatizing or jeopardize future generations.

First things first. If you have been visiting the site through our domain name (www.BarryMelroseRocks.com) keep doing what you're doing. If you've been reading through a reader and still have the old blogspot feed, hopefully you saw our distress messages on the old feed and changed to the new one. If not, hopefully you find this post eventually.

Next up. We're still learning to use this site, too. It's new and very orange. You'll have to register a Bloguin account to comment, but it's worth it and takes only a few seconds. You can still see the old site in all its glory by clicking the aptly named 'old site' button at the top. To its left are the archives, which have all the old posts from Blogger on the new server. However, things got garbled in the transfer and there tend to be missing videos, pictures, etc. I blame Blogger.

Other than that, things should pretty much be the usual. We're going to figure out this whole Bloguin thing so we can get some cool new stuff going and if the site inexpicably disappears blame Pensblogcause they probablycrashed the server.

If you have any comments/suggestions on what you would/would not like to see happen here, please let us know. Otherwise come in, make yourselves at home and enjoy!

Oh Hai!

Written by Dave McBrayer on Mar 15, 2009 21:10.

Wait... What?

Written by Kevin Schultz on Mar 13, 2009 15:43.

All bloggers have had a typo or two in their day, and I am certainly not one to pass judgement on anyone on this front, but this error is pretty funny.

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Let's not have puke on the top of the page for the weekend

Written by Enforcer on Mar 14, 2009 20:55.

I can't take puke or puking. I need to make it go away. Come on internet, find me ANYTHING to push that post further down on the page.
Aha! Red Wings fan molesting an inflatable Penguin taken last June (h/t Busted Coverage)

LOL Martin Gerber

Written by Dave McBrayer on Mar 11, 2009 23:19.

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When vomit and hockey collide

Written by Dave McBrayer on Mar 13, 2009 23:08.

Check out the following from a game between the Chicago Wolves and Milwaukee Admirals:

Dude Haydar was obviously possessed by the exorcist. Lays out a huge hit at center ice, then proceeds to projectile vomit on the bench. Just another day at the office for the life of an AHLer. Reminds me of that time that I did the same thing, only I wasn't playing hockey and I didn't hit anyone.

The Versus [drinking] Game of the Week (Philadelphia at Detroit)

Written by Ryan Henning on Mar 12, 2009 21:28.

wings

Do you know how long it's been since we wrote a post on the Red Wings? We haven't had anything tagged "Red Wings" since Marian Hossa tried to get in a fight on the 19th of February. What's happened since then? Nothing. Nothing has happened with the Detroit Red Wings since Scottie Bowman retired. They are still really good. They still might win the Cup. They still have Nicklas Lidstrom. Nothing ever happens with the Red Wings. All the more reason to drink, I guess.

DRINK

... when Sports Soup is promoted. Twice if you know anyone who has actually watched it. 5 times if YOU have actually watched it.

... when the Red Wings inevitably take the lead, and the announcer's inevitably make reference to it being good for Detroit, as though the Wings are going to fix the economy.

... if the home town of Flyers D-man Randy Jones is mentioned. Quispamsis, New Brunswick. Hell, go have one now and keep saying it. Quispamsis. Quispamsis.

... if you're still not convinced that "Joffrey" is a real name

... for every tooth Kronwall knocks out

Inside the GM Meetings

Written by Kevin Schultz on Mar 11, 2009 14:37.

Today, we present to you an inside look at the GM meetings this week in south Florida. Among the hot topics of discussion are fighting and, of course, the GMs diligently waiting for the next Brian Burke Twitter update.

Awwww look! Widdle Coley Campbell has his backpack all weady for his fwirst day of schoowl!

It's been a long day for Brian Burke and he's a little rough around the edges. "Scotch on the rocks, bartender," he says. He then proceeds to put his brain on autopilot when speaking to the media. Mr. Burke is wondering why you guys don't get a life and stop sticking microphones in his face all day long. He didn't have to deal with all this crap in Anaheim.

See those glass doors behind him? He'll throw you through them face first first if you ask another stupid question. What's that? Oh right, there are no stupid questions. "Yes, go ahead. You in the back with the stupid question." And so it goes. But the Media is not deterred. The Media is used to this. It's their daily dance with the Girlfriend That Treats Them Like Shit but they keep coming back for more because she's so bad and it's oh so good. And maybe this time she'll come to her senses and treat them right.

Burke then turns to the camera and stares deep into your soul, making you regret calling Jenny Michaels a 'fat doo doo head' back in third grade and making her cry. He knows your secrets. You cannot keep anything from him.

Mike Gillis, for what it's worth, hasn't slept in five days. For the last week, he's made the Lobby Lounge at the Ritz Carlton in Naples his playground and you, young fawn, are his playmate. Another raspberry martini, my dear? Mike is here and he's not going home until this night is damn well over. Either that or when his CSE company card gets declined because he's been doing this same routine every night he's been in town.

As for Don Maloney, he's in a festive mood. He's not entirely sure why he even needs to be here, since the Coyotes are either going to be disbanded or sold to gypsies after this season. But heck, he'll take the free trip to south Florida in early March. There are no white sandy beaches in the desert you know.

As a matter of fact, Don is so happy to be here that he gives the media all they could ever ask for and more. He goes into story telling mode for the next three hours. Tell me again how you traded Pierre Turgeon for Kirk Muller, Don! That one is my favorite!

That's all for now from the GM Meetings in Naples, Florida. Thanks for joining us and remember, if you're good looking and in the Naples area, you can probably still hit up Mike Gillis for a couple free drinks later tonight.

Fun with Injuries

Written by Loser Domi on Mar 11, 2009 02:48.

You know, I think that if I were a coach, I'd have fun with filing injury reports. I wouldn't bother with "general body soreness" or "lower body injury" nonsense. Here are some of the more "creative" injuries that I would list

*Leprachaun bite
*ebola virus
*Hot dog fingers
*bad hair day
*world of warcraft wrist
*explosive dirrarhea
*player is actually 3 ducks in a man costume
*"but coach, it burns when I pee"
*nasty papers cuts...in the swimsuit area
*blacked out in the sewer (like a boss)

Suggestions? leave them in the comments